O hai. Welcome back and stuff. As you may remember from last semester, we are on part two of a three-part series on female orgasms. This installment offers tips from women for women about how to achieve the big O. Ready, go.
Make sure to masturbate how you want to.
M, age 19: ""By masturbating in ways I thought I ""should"" masturbate, I wasn't taking control of my sexuality at all … I don't need a vibrator—I like my bare hands. I don't have to do it every day—sometimes once a week is enough. Sometimes, I don't have an orgasm. I just connect with how my body feels … and then that helps me be more in tune with myself when I do want to have an orgasm.""
M, age 23: ""The [variables] I've found to be of greatest consequence are placement and movement. By movement, I mean don't let the vibrator do all the work. Try moving it in and out, up and down, etc. as it vibrates. Maybe get your other hand in on the action.""
L, age 24: ""Find out what kind of porn gets you off. Lots of different kinds might get the job done, but somewhere out there is a genre of porn that really, really revs your engines. Find it.""
Try new things.
B, age 22: ""This may seem counterintuitive, but take intercourse off the table for a little while. Most women don't have orgasms from penetration [alone] … you have to focus on hands, tongues, toys, etc. These things are much more likely to make you cum, and you won't have that expectation of intercourse—which probably isn't as orgasm-inducing—on your mind.""
A, age 30: ""One day, I made a list of everything I could think of that I thought would be sexy to try with my boyfriend: things I saw in movies or porn, things that I'd fantasized about … one by one, we tried everything. Being able to have that kind of control was a huge mental turn-on for me as well as a physical turn-on.""
E, age 24: ""A real game-changer for me was a clitoral hood piercing, which is not as big and scary as it sounds. I had pretty much fingered out the art of clitoral stimulation, so that didn't change much, but during penetration, the VCH multiplied my previous enjoyment by a factor of 10.""
Lube it up.
A, age 22: ""LUBE! The wetter the sex, the better the sex. If there is too much friction that can cause pain, and pain [might] not equal orgasms.""
C, age 23: ""I can't have good sex without lube … being wet has nothing to do with how turned on you are, or how good your lover is. [It] is the most easily fixable sex problem there is.""
Don't think too hard.
K, age 25: ""I learned that when I was thinking about it and my partner was thinking about it nothing really happened … and both of us were crazy frustrated. So, just chill.""
J, age 29: ""More often than not, the psychological barrier feels insurmountable. Those first bouts in bed seem to be a complex combination of learning each others' bodies and unlearning the little tricks of previous partners ... these first times, [I need] slower and longer strokes over the clitoris and labia ... while fast strokes, vibrators, or penetration (vaginal or anal) can all arouse me and may even heighten my orgasm when I am comfortable, they are risky when I am still unused to my partner or surroundings.""
N1, age 22: ""I kept getting frustrated at how long it took, and my frustration made it impossible to climax. I started listening to music to stop my critical thoughts … and started imagining steamy situations, letting my thoughts wander until a thought-up scenario caused a physical response.""
S: ""Let your mind wander, and let it think about whatever it wants to, whenever you want to. Let yourself lose control. Being embarrassed about your own response is not helpful. The noises, the smells, the facial expression—that's all pretty hot, so stop thinking.""
N2, age 22: ""Don't equate orgasms with good sex. Yes, orgasms are an important part of having great sex, and everyone should climax as much as they need to in order to feel satisfied. But you can have satisfying sex without having an orgasm—and you can have an orgasm without having satisfying sex.""
Though the female orgasm deserves much more space, we unfortunately have a word limit. Want more? Have other sex questions? E-mail Erica at sex@dailycardinal.com. You can also check out more of N1's brilliant sexy thoughts at sexistentialist.wordpress.com.
