A year after a brawl marred yet another Cardinal victory, UW-Madison's competing newspapers will once again meet in Vilas Park for their annual football battle Friday afternoon. The Cardinal has won the past two contests.
The Daily Cardinal's defense dominated the 2009 contest, relentlessly pressuring Badger Herald quarterback and photo editor Lukas Keapproth and forcing countless interceptions. On the last play of the game, Keapproth's frustrations boiled over and he tackled Cardinal Gameday editor Nick Schmitt. The dirty hit inspired a brawl between the two newspapers, which the Cardinal dominated as usual.
""Lukas is like a puppy really— he's totes adorbs but he just doesn't quite understand the concept of flag football,"" a source intimately familiar with Keapproth said. ""Also, he sometimes cries after.""
Following last year's thrasing at the Cardinal's hands, the Herald will be at an even bigger disadvantage without former reporter Tom Hager. Sports editor Max Henson took a break from reading rivals.com to comment on losing one of the Herald's most talented journalists.
""There's not a reporter on our staff now that could awkwardly ask Athletic Department interns for their numbers quite like Tom could,"" Henson said.
Herald Managing Editor Kyle Mianulli said he regretted the fact that the Herald will not be able to use Associated Press writers in the game instead of their own staff.
""Yeah, I wish we could use syndicated talent to fill space on the field,"" Miannulli said. ""It really sucks that we actually have to use our student staffers to play in the game instead of paying other people to do our jobs.""
According to Cardinal graphics editor Natasha Soglin, the Herald has plenty to fear.
""I'm gonna be crushing skulls all over that field, they don't even know,"" Soglin said.
""CLICK CLACK,"" Soglin added before chugging four 5-Hour Energy shots, punching a hole through a wall, throwing a smoke bomb and disappearing into the night.
