Since we last spoke, the newest Weezer album, Hurley hit the Internet. Named after the ""Lost"" character whose face was kindly magnified for the album's cover art, Hurley marks the eighth LP in one of contemporary pop culture's most institutionalized catalogs. So far as I know, no single band's work has evoked such a wide range of reactions from the same audience. Each Weezer album has such distinct features and values that their titles can and should be used as adjectives to fit various degrees of merit. Consider the following your guide to appropriate usage of Weezer album titles in a colloquial setting:
Blue Album
(1994)
This is what a pop record is meant to sound like. Brief, yet thorough. Basic, yet confident.
It's acne-ridden, understated brilliance that served as the blueprint for the last 15 years of garage pop. Engineers can manufacture something as good, but Blue Album's purity and timeliness for our generation assures that nobody can top it—I mean, have you heard ""Say It Ain't So"" lately?
Things that are Blue Album Good: Starcrunch and Koala Yummies (you know what I'm talking about).
Pinkerton
(1996)
While inherently more flawed than its predecessor, Pinkerton is many people's favorite for its rawness and ability to embody sexual frustration in a world where sexual frustration didn't (or, doesn't) actually mean anything. Pinkerton is not perfect, but it's nuanced in a very endearing way, and it always finds a way to satiate a particular craving.
Things that are Pinkerton Good: ""Flagpole Sitta"" by Harvey Danger and General Tso's chicken.
Green Album
(2001)
The tweener, sure, but don't sell this guy short. ""Hash Pipe"" might not be the ruthless jam we thought it was in middle school, but however many years after the fact, the ""hip hip""s on ""Island in the Sun"" are about as breezy as it gets. There are a lot of noble attempts (really, how could they have improved ""Photograph""?), but there's even more filler. The Green Album is another way of saying, ""Nice try, try again.""
Things that are Green-Album Good: Jennifer Aniston circa 2006.
Maladroit
(2002)
Maladroit was the album we all convinced ourselves we needed, until we heard it again four years later. And while ""Dope Nose"" and ""Burndt Jam"" likely hold up to further scrutiny, and ""Keep Fishin'"" isn't exactly the worst bridesmaid on any pop record from 2002, Maldroit also hangs by a thread. It's a similar effort to Green Album, but this one is well over the hill. Nice try, now try something else.
Things that are Maladroit Good: ""Michael and Michael Have Issues"" or Michael Jordan's baseball career.
Make Believe
(2005)
Ugh, this actually happened? This supplants Marmaduke as the new benchmark for misery.
Things that are Make Believe Good: Pralines and dick
Red Album
(2008)
Forget what everyone else says—Red Album gets an A for effort. Even so, this is tantamount to the viral video all of your friends get excited about but you don't understand. The Weez haven't completely embraced the art of laughing with us yet, but at this point we're only sort of laughing at them anyways. Mostly what we're doing is just confused groaning.
Things that are Red Album Good: Garfield, double rainbows.
Raditude
(2009)
There are two kinds of Weezer; and if the Blue Album is the focal point of the clean-cut, teenaged garage pop, then Raditude is the thesis statement of the band that lost its goddamn mind. Totally rad, dude.
Things that are Raditude Good: Razor scooters, Lisa Frank stationery.
Hurley
(2010)
Nobody thought this was a good idea. Weezer did not think that was a good idea—they couldn't have. No way, no how. Hurley is finally the point at which Weezer stop caring and spite each and every one of us for listening. If you've come this far, you know Weezer never much cared about being cool, and now they've officially shifted from squeemish Buddy Holly-look-a-likes to the anti-thesis of cool—the anti-James Dean. It takes a lot of effort to be this trite, and there's something pretty cool about that.
Likewise, we use the words ""ill"" and ""sick"" as paradoxes—they're so good they're bad. Hurley is so bad it's good—it's too cool for school. Use it accordingly.
Things that are Hurley Good: Motorcycles, skateboarding, surfing, wearing sunglasses indoors. It's like, whatever, dude.
Kyle likes to think he's best described as the Blue Album's expanded anniversary edition: Dusty Gems and Raw Nuggets. If you have any questions about how these adjectives should be applied to more specific situations, or if you want to tell Kyle he is totally Red Album, send him an e-mail at ktsparks@dailycardinal.com.
