Are you looking to expand your horizons through an exciting and stimulating change in cultural scenery? Looking to seek out an educational experience without the boringly usual modern-day amenities and personal freedoms we enjoy here in Madison? If so, you'll be pleased to hear that notoriously reclusive and xenophobic Democratic People's Republic of North Korea has opened its doors to the outside world, specifically to the UW-Madison study abroad program. The stark cultural difference between our cozy, relaxed university setting and the totalitarian communist state will assuredly create ample opportunity for students to expand their horizons.
Lucky candidates who are accepted into the course will quickly enjoy the first of their many adventures, an exciting hike through the ""DMZ,"" or de-militarized zone between North and South Korea.
The journey, overseen by a local guide hired through the program, is a thrilling three-mile walk through a stunningly lush, tree and land-mine covered terrain, with the perfect amount of large electric fences to add a little challenge and spice to the experience. Danger is generally minimal, but if curiosity gets the best of you and you find yourself straying from the guide to get a good look at some local foliage, don't expect to be ""walking"" around in your new home. Do not be alarmed by the shouting and pointed guns greeting you during your arrival into the country, this is the North Korean way of welcoming newcomers and should be taken as a compliment. Program director Steve Staples has partaken in this exhilarating event.
""That first shot over my head got my blood pumping like nothing I've ever experienced...try getting an adrenaline rush like that on some lame-ass trip to Spain.""
Upon entry into North Korea and a comfortable, asexual strip-search, participants will be escorted by military personnel to their quarters, located in the thriving and bustling capital city of Pyongyang.
Though cell phones, laptops, and any means of communication with the outside world are prohibited, there are plenty of other ways to stay entertained, and luckily the near-constant lack of electricity makes having such items a pointless endeavor to begin with. Each room comes equipped with a vintage 1965 TV set, and though only one government-run channel airs locally, you can be assured to find well-rounded, intelligent news and top-notch brain-scrambling entertainment. Tours of local labor camps, military facilities, and giant statues of the Dear Leader will be commonplace (cameras are not allowed). Failure to properly glorify the Lord Of All The Land will result in an immediate termination from the program, and life.
The program offers a multitude of challenging and diverse classes, and studying will be strictly enforced. Classes include the ""The Great Military History of North Korea,"" ""The Life of the Dear Leader Kim Jong Il,"" ""An Introduction to Almighty Communism,"" and of course ""The Dangers of Free Thinking.""
Any failure by a student to meet class expectations will result in losing his or her daily bowl of rice and weekly shower privileges. Thus, lackluster academic performance in conjunction with daily marching offers an excellent opportunity for more heavyset students to shed that American flab.
It should be noted that there are certain ""criteria"" and ground rules for any student hoping to successfully be accepted into the program and cross the border without any complications. Firstly, as this is a research-oriented course, students are required prior to entry to have on their person at least five grams of enriched Uranium-235 which will be taken upon arrival by local authorities. In order to preserve the unique cultural atmosphere of North Korea, students are restricted from any conversation regarding current events occurring anywhere outside of the country. Doing so will warrant expulsion from the program, though as a consolation, an exciting trip to one of North Korea's mysterious labor camps will be scheduled. Also, as a lingual pre-requisite, candidates must be able to, in Korean, state their undying gratitude and loyalty to the ""Great Leader of all the World,"" Kim Jong Il.
This will be the only Korean needed to go about daily life in North Korea, but if the student wants to go above and beyond the expectations of the program, learning the terms ""American pigs,"" ""imperialist swine"" and ""death to the West"" will certainly impress local teachers and other authority figures.
This rare opportunity for adventure begins this spring and slots are filling up fast! Be sure to visit the study abroad website at wisc.edu and to fill out an application as soon as possible for the experience of a lifetime. Due to the exchange rate, cost will be minimal, and at $26.50, this will be the cheapest study abroad opportunity available on campus!
