Believe this: I'm a pretty laid-back guy. Nothing really upsets the Kyle Equilibrium too much, especially when I'm kickin' it with New Jersey rock 'n' rollers Titus Andronicus.
I hitched a ride to Chicago this past weekend to do exactly that with my older brother. Pretty standard procedure—CTA to Wrigleyville to hot dog stand to the Metro; followed by Male Bonding, Free Energy, Best Coast and Titus Andronicus. But somewhere between Titus' impassioned escapism and me spilling beer on my shoes at the intro of ""Upon Viewing Brueghel's ‘Landscape With the Fall of Icarus',"" some drunk jerk-off found a long-enough lull in action to start singing on his own.
""Go Cubs go / Go Cubs go / Hey, Chicago, what do you say? / Cubs are gonna win today;"" he even repeated it.
It should be noted that the asshole was correct. The Cubs did win that Saturday, beating the Florida Marlins 5-3. That victory improved the woe-some Cubbies' 2010 winning percentage to a healthy .452. In other words, throughout the MLB's 162 games, the Cubs can expect a tally somewhere in the ballpark of 73 wins, which would have been good for fifth place in the six-team NL Central Division last season. You can't blame the guy for not taking his minor victories.
But that's exactly what's so terrible about Cubs fans—they take every single minor victory and make absolutely sure the rest of us are fully aware of it.
I know I'm not projecting the most groundbreaking news here, but I guess that's my point: Cubs fans are the most insufferable lot in all of sports fandom.
One defense I hear a lot is that the Cubs have such a rich history. They've been playing as the Cubs since 1903; they've played in historic Wrigley Field since 1918 and players have mashed taters over its ivy since 1937! You know what other notable thing they've done really well since the beginning of the 20th century? Lose.
Of course, God forbid I fail to mention the Cubs' two most recent World Championships. As a matter of fact, the Cubs would have been just one game short of sweeping back-to-back World Series in 1907 and 1908 had a game not ended in a tie due to darkness.
I certainly detest fair-weather fans myself, though, and it'd be ludicrous of me to make a team's success a prerequisite to fandom. From what I hear, there's a certain camaraderie among Cubs fans that transcends athletic competition. It's a bona-fide subculture of sorts.
But by rallying behind and pumping money into this subculture, they're (however inadvertently) promoting a system that year after year overspends on free agents and fails to develop young talent.
However excited Cubs faithful get about the young Starlin Castro (and rightfully so), the only other member of their infield they held onto at this season's trade deadline was a 32-year-old third baseman whose contract was too pricy for anyone else to mess with.
This sort of unmovable contract is nothing unusual for the Cubs, either. The North Siders have doled out over $146 million for their sub-.500 winning percentage this season. For the sake of comparison, the Cincinnati Reds have spent just over $68 million to run away with the same division. The Tampa Bay Rays boast the third-best record in the majors heading into Friday on a budget that's less than half the Cubbies'—$72 million.
The difference is the Reds and Rays have filled their rosters from within. Imagine the salary perennial MVP contenders like Joey Votto or Evan Longoria would fetch if they weren't locked up as youngsters. But instead of fostering talent from lower levels like most playoff teams, the Cubs continually count on guys like Milton Bradley to outperform their projections and earn the inflated salaries they offer up.
It's capitalism, sure. But it's also irresponsible management of the team's funds and perpetually denying the loyal fan base of the one thing they should be concerned with: winning.
To be sure, there's something very endearing about rooting for a team despite their gaping shortcomings—and I'll be damned if that little cub holding a bat isn't one of the most adorable old-school team logos I've ever seen. But Royals and Orioles fans don't feel the need to hop onboard every stupid free agent signing their general manager makes.
For all the talking Cubs fans do to the rest of us, they need to start talking to their front office. They need to quit feeding in to their team's propaganda. They need to quit turning arguments about sports into arguments about social phenomena. And they sure as shit need to quit interrupting sweet rock 'n' roll shows.
Like the Cubs? let Kyle know at ktsparks@wisc.edu.
