I grew up in a very conservative home and we didn't talk about sex very much… However, I don't have the same attitude about sex that my parents do, and now that I'm not living with them anymore I want to get my own vibrator. The problem is that I don't know anything about vibrators. I did some research, but it's hard to know what's true and what's not true. Do you have any advice?
M.M.
Yay, vibrators!
Yes, M.M., I do have some advice for you, and actually your e-mail is really timely, because I find myself in the market for a new vibrator as well. Longtime readers will be saddened to learn my beloved Gladys has died a slow, sputtering death. I mention it only to note that whether you're buying your first vibrator or your fiftieth (not that I'm buying my fiftieth), selecting the perfect one can be a very involved process.
My first bit of advice is to see your candidates in person, if you can. Madison is home to one of the jewels in the crown of American sex toy shops, A Woman's Touch on Williamson Street. Especially if you've never owned your own vibe before, you'll want to take your toy for a test run if you can.
Not that kind of test run, but AWT will allow you to see, touch, hear, etc. each vibe so you can get an idea of the quality of vibration it provides, how intense it is, how loud it is, how much it weighs, etc. The tiniest of details can make or break a vibrator. If it looked pink online but is orange in real life—and you effing hate orange—then you're not going to be as jazzed to use it. If it sounds like a semi and you have a roommate, then you might not use it at all. So check it out if you can. If you can't or don't want to check it out in person, try to buy from a website which offers customer reviews in addition to product descriptions. Examples include babeland.com, goodvibes.com, or adameve.com.
When you go to make your vibration determination, try to have an idea of what you'll be using the vibe for. Are you the captain of your clitoris, or a penetration pioneer? Do you like G-spot stimulation? Will you be using it alone or with a partner? How about anal penetration or prostate stimulation? The answers to all of these questions will play a role in selecting the perfect shape, size, and material of your toy, so think a little bit about the activities you tend to enjoy.
For example, if you want to use the vibrator for G-spot stimulation, you'll want to select a vibrator with a curved tip to allow you to better massage the anterior wall of the vagina. If you want to use the vibrator for anal penetration, you'll want to make sure to select a toy with a flared base to prevent it from getting lost up your butt. It's not like vibrators can't be used for multiple purposes, but there are a few nuances to the way toys are constructed to make them ideal for certain activities.
Additionally, sex toys can be expensive. I have a simple rule to help you decide how much to spend on your first toy: when in doubt, go cheap. Over the course of my life, I have found it worthwhile to invest in more expensive versions of some things (haircuts, olive oil, and sports bras, for example). As a general rule, sex toys are not one of them. Don't get me wrong, there are some fine $100+ toys out there that will blow your mind. But when it's your first vibrator and you're stuck between a $90 rechargeable silicone massager and a $10 plastic bullet vibe, get the bullet.
My first vibrator, bless its heart, was a $10 plastic bullet that I christened Ryan Braun. An inexpensive vibe doesn't mean you're being cheap, or that you don't deserve nice things, or that you're settling for some piece of crap. AWT cautions you to ""expect months, not years"" out of the toy I call Ryan Braun, but I still have him 4+ years later and he still enjoys semi-regular use. I probably enjoy it more, though.
Think of it as a beginning investment. After a few months (hell, after a few minutes) with your new vibe, you'll be able to answer all of the aforementioned questions much more definitively, and you can feel more confident about spending more money on a new toy (if you even need/want a new toy). If you drop $90 right away and find out you bought something that's too intense/not intense enough, then you're out $90.
I could talk about vibrators all day every day, but unfortunately, The Daily Cardinal only allows me 900 words per week and I have used them all up. I hope this helps you narrow your selection to the most perfect vibrator ever, M.M., and who knows? Maybe I'll see you at AWT sometime soon.
