It seems like every year around February or March people make the claim that it's the worst time of year. I've heard everything: burnout from school, the not-quite-winter-but-not-quite-spring weather, winter sports winding down, and even that they just hate Valentine's Day with a fiery passion. I, however, love this time of year for one simple reason: shitty movies. Yes, this time of year is perfect for studios to pump out their corny formula comedies or awful book adaptations for audiences who don't know any better. I'm a bit of a film buff myself, and a little research produced some quite surprising news. It appears that UW-Madison itself has been an inspiration for many of these subpar films that come out this time of year. I included titles and summaries from nine of the best ones below:
1. ""Dude, Where's My Moped?""
Barry and Dean are just two regular UW-Madison jocks leaving the same Geology 100 lecture when suddenly Barry turns to Dean and asks, ""Dude, where's my moped?"" From that moment on, the two wise-cracking, sweat-suited buddies embark on a wild and sexy quest to find Barry's beloved moped, running into zany characters and even falling in love along the way! Look out for an off-the-wall cameo by Athletic Director Barry Alvarez! Look out Barry, these two jocks are in way over their heads!
2. ""Being Bucky: The Squeakqual""
After the rousing success of the ""Being Bucky"" documentary, the same cast returns for a laugh-out-loud sequel! Watch as Buckingham U. Badger invites his zany, high-pitched Badger cousins to town for a simple UW-Madison game day. However, Bucky's bad-boy cousin Alvin has a few comical plans of his own to make Bucky's football game a bit wackier than usual! Featuring a stellar cast, including Goldy Gopher, Brutus the Buckeye and Gary Busey, ""Being Bucky: The Squeakquel"" promises to be slightly better than your usual post-Oscars brainless comedy!
3. ""The Hangover 2: Walk of Shame""
After the smash success of ""The Hangover"" within the college demographic, the original writers went right back to work on a UW-Madison-based follow-up with a similar theme. The result was ""The Hangover 2: Walk of Shame,"" an uproarious look at the humiliating stroll back to one's house after passing out randomly after a night of heavy drinking! Filmgoers will be in stitches after seeing Zach Galifianakis walking down State Street with unkempt hair, Sharpie drawings all over his face and borrowed female clothing after waking up in a strange, unfamiliar apartment that morning! Too zany for theatres!
4. ""The Curious Case-Race on Benjamin's Futon""
Starting off as a hilarious spin-off of Brad Pitt's Benjamin Button persona, ""The Curious Case-Race on Benjamin's Futon"" tells the story of a college freshman named Ben who finds that the more he drinks, the less drunk he gets during the night. Faced with the inevitable reality that the girls he was hooking up with at the beginning of the night are not as attractive once he sobers up, Ben must choose whether he'll forfeit his annual house case-race or accept that his drunken standards are subpar at best. With a memorable soundtrack, stunning cinematography and a twist ending you won't see coming, ""Benjamin's Futon"" is a must-see film!
5. ""Shaun of the Grateful Red""
Be prepared to laugh, scream and do ""the wave"" after seeing the wacky zombie spoof ""Shaun of the Grateful Red."" The film features Shaun, a happy-go-lucky Badger basketball fan who loves sitting in the student section with the rest of the Grateful Red Wisconsin fanatics. However, one day he begins to notice that his fellow Gratefuls are acting a bit strange. They begin to wear red and silver, talk about Brutus the Buckeye and discuss how interested they are in pedophelia. Soon they start inquiring to Shaun about his younger cousin's nether regions, and he realizes that the entire section has become brainwashed Buckeye fans. Soon Shaun is on the run from the incessant mob of mindless Ohio State fans with only his trusted cricket bat and absent-minded buddy to stop them!
6. ""Hotel R'Wando's""
This gripping and stunning biopic tells the tragic and violent story of 10 college seniors who struggle to fight the oppressive prices and cruel overcrowding in downtown Madison bars on a Friday night. During their bitter struggle against credit card limits and excessive tips, the boys find sanctuary at Hotel R'Wando's, a safe haven for down-on-their-luck college students who can't afford the monstrosity of weekend price hikes and absurd costs for bottom-shelf mixers. Featuring bar raids, fishbowls full of alcohol and three stories of non-stop action, ""Hotel R'Wando's"" is sure to be an action-packed, emotional rollercoaster. Strap yourself in for a wild ride!
7. ""Sconnie Darko""
After tripping on the hallucinogen drug Salvia before a new bill takes it off of the market, Bonnie Darko, a UW-Madison freshman, starts to see a strange rabbit who warns her about the future. Soon Bonnie begins to learn about very disturbing future events such as Brothers bar being leveled by UW-Madison, a new Union South that looks like a giant vagina and a UW football student ticket sale that actually goes smoothly and without complaint. Using her future knowledge, Bonnie sets out to stop the nightmarish predictions, no matter what the cost.
8. ""The Grapes of Rathskeller""
After a harsh semester of student loans, rent fees and living costs, UW-Madison juniors living in an impoverished house embark on a journey across Madison to find some beer and sustenance. Fighting the bitter streets, oppressive weather and fading hope, the roommates finally find solace in the promise land known as the Memorial Union Rathskeller. Although they complete the journey, their hardships are not over. The boys must find a way to scrap enough change together to buy a pitcher at the Union Terrace while surviving on stale popcorn and working long hours as Union employees. Don't forget your Kleenex!
9. ""Swine Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest""
Everything seemed fairly normal one semester at UW-Madison until a student comes down with a strange illness that has never been seen before. Soon the disease, named ""swine flu"" by health experts, has the whole campus in a frenzy. Everyone—including faculty, staff and students—begin to overreact and go crazy with fear in response to the illness's growing threat and build-up. Starring Jack Nicholson as a wacky, rebellious Chancellor Biddy Martin trying to get everyone to relax, ""Swine Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest"" is sure to make you laugh, cheer and cry all the way to University Health Services!
Sure, I could talk about a million more films (such as ""Saving Private Bo Ryan,"" ""Brave Little Coastie,"" ""A WOP to Remember,"" or even ""WUDFellas""), but I'm sure these titles give you more than enough opportunities to appreciate the greatness of post-Oscars cinema. Enjoy!
Are you starting to think that these movies should actually exist? Send Jon your completed screenplays at spike@wisc.edu.
