Today marks the beginning of an exciting time in the sporting world. It's a time of Sweet Sixteen matchups, ruined brackets and round-the-clock score checking to see how your picks performed. No, silly, I'm not talking about the NCAA Basketball Tournament. I'm talking about the 2010 Madison Notables Fight to the Death Tournament! Featuring 16 of Madison's most well-known figures, each will battle in various Madison locales until there is one bloodied, battered champion left. I've included my bracket and analysis below for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
Bascom Hill Regional
#1 Biddy Martin vs. #4 Scanner Dan
#2 Lori Berquam vs. #3 The Five Guys
Matchup to Watch: Talk about an upset in the making! Chancellor Biddy Martin takes on a feisty, up-and-coming transient with a passion for babbling incoherently and listening to his police scanner. If Martin doesn't allow herself to be distracted by Scanner Dan's random outbursts and public urination, she will be a threat to take the tournament.
Potential Matchup to Watch: Wouldn't Bascom Hill be bedlam if Lori Berquam were to escape the dangerous burger boys from Five Guys and face Biddy Martin in the Elite Eight? Berquam would need to use her quickness, as Martin would likely use her linebacker frame to physically dominate the interior.
Cinderella Team: We're sticking with Scanner Dan. The long-shot fourth seed comes into the tournament on a hot streak, having won his way into the dance by wrestling Bookie, the University Bookstore mascot, in Library Mall. Look for the Scan-master to make a surprise run to the Final Four.
State Street Regional
#1 Barry Alvarez vs. #4 Piccolo Guy
#2 Mayor Dave vs. #3 Marsh Shapiro
Matchup to Watch: Although watching Athletic Director Barry Alvarez try to solve the orange-clad Piccolo-playing man outside of University Bookstore would be fascinating, we're going with Nitty Gritty owner Marsh Shapiro butting heads with Mayor Dave Cieslewicz. Mayor Dave has the political firepower to bury Shapiro, but the Birthday King of Madison might use a power-hour push in the second half to upset the run-and-gun Mayor.
Potential Matchup to Watch: How classic would it be to see Mayor Dave facing off against Piccolo Guy, who likely has better approval ratings than Mr. Cieslewicz right now. With superior IQ and distracting orange jumpsuit, Piccolo Guy might have the attributes to piccolo his way right into the finals.
Cinderella Team: Shapiro may not be the trendy pick to make it out of this regional, but the State Street location will definitely play in his favor. Even if Shapiro has to face top-seeded Alvarez in the Elite Eight, Shapiro may be the slight favorite with a strong Saturday night crowd lined up outside the Nitty and a bevy of famous friends.
Camp Randall Regional
#1 Bo Ryan vs. #4 That Guy at Toppers
#2 Bret Bielema vs. #3 Ron Dayne
Matchup to Watch: Don't make me choose! The most intriguing has to be former Badger legend Ron Dayne going up against the coach he never worked with in Bret Bielema. Does Bielema pull a P.J. Hill and try to call out the much-maligned runner during a press conference? Does Dayne return to Heisman form and gallop over the former defensive end? That's why it's called March Madness!
Potential Matchup to Watch: How ironic would it be if Dayne, who likely built up his girth from Toppers, faced that drunk guy I always see at Toppers every Saturday night? Dayne would be the favorite on paper, but don't think for a second it wouldn't be a classic matchup.
Cinderella Team: Gotta go with That Guy at Toppers. With his hilarious drunken screaming and penchant for eating orders of Toppers Stix, he could catch fire and win four games in a row or crash and burn immediately. Either way, it'll be exciting to watch!
Memorial Union Regional
#1 Bucky vs. #4 Brat Man
#2 Mike Leckrone vs. #3 Bryon Eagon
Matchup to Watch: Easy choice here. Who can resist the mascot face-off, with UW-Madison's own Buckingham U. Badger taking on State Street Brats' foul-mouthed Brat Man. Although it's hard to imagine anyone knocking off top-seeded Bucky, Brat Man's dirty jokes and army of bartenders may give the push-up-prone Badger a run for his money.
Potential Matchup to Watch: Memorial Union may violate some fire codes with a capacity crowd if Bucky and Band Director Mike Leckrone survive their first-round matchups. Leckrone and Bucky, great friends and co-workers outside of the tournament, would be a high-scoring deathmatch, hands down.
Cinderella Team: Don't count out City Ald. Bryon Eagon, District 8, a sneakily quick diplomat with a mean right cross. He could make some noise with a big first-round upset, and don't be surprised if Eagon is still standing when the Final Four rolls around.
Okay, okay, I'll stop stalling. My final four picks are: Cinderella story Scanner Dan to emerge from the Bascom Hall Regional, Marsh Shapiro to take the State Street Regional, Bo Ryan to escape the difficult Camp Randall Regional and Bucky to run away with the Memorial Union Regional. My crystal ball also tells me that Scanner Dan will continue his magical run into the championship, where he'll face the tournament-tested Bucky. Finally, in a once-in-a-lifetime Championship, Bucky beats Scanner Dan to death with Paul Bunyan's axe, standing over the bloody corpse while Scanner Dan curses the Madison Police Department with his dying breath.
Hey kids! Cut out this bracket, fill it out and turn it in to The Daily Cardinal's Office in room 2142 in Vilas Hall! If your bracket scores the most points, you could win a free sandwich from Charley's on State Street! Seriously, he'll give you one. Contact Jon at spike@wisc.edu for more information!
