Winter break is now over, and it is time for all of us at The Daily Cardinal to shake the dust off our word processors and get back to work. Surely we're in for four months of exciting breaking news, insightful commentary and pulse-pounding investigative reporting.
Or not, at least if this semester is as mind-numbingly boring as the last one.
There are often slow news days. There are often slow news weeks. But the fall of 2009 was a full-blown slow news semester, a veritable depression of fascinating material. The fall prior had the presidential election, complete with the accompanying Obama-fever. The spring after had local alderman elections and the ASM constitution battle. Those are topics that can draw some interest and have a natural storyline to them. They all had some at least slightly fascinating characters, a clear central conflict and a denouement where everything is wrapped up, though the constitution vote did leave room for a possible sequel or two.
But last semester? Well, there was the Edgewater saga, which concerns a building that in all likelihood no current UW student will ever use or probably even see to completion, even if it does get built. On top of that, the project has a nasty habit of dying and then resurrecting itself. It's more anticlimactic than Lord of the Rings.
Then there was the big ALRC tiff, which was basically just the ALRC and the Tavern League acting like a bunch of jackasses while we told you that the Nitty Gritty serves crappy food. Both of which are hardly new occurrences.
Oh, and there were a few weeks at the end of the semester where we ran around like a chicken with its head cut off talking about diversity. Good times.
Right off the bat, it doesn't seem like the Spring of 2010 is going to be any kinder to your friendly neighborhood opinion columnist. The Edgewater saga continues and will probably encounter delay after delay well into the foreseeable future. Other than that, Mayor Dave took some heat for ineffective snow removal and the Ho-Chunk nation wants to build some museum at Union Corners. Also, the District 5 county board race looms, which is really the less interesting stepsister of the District 8 alderman race. The truly sexy news fodder remains elusive.
So with the outlook so boringly bleak, I am putting out the call: potential newsmakers, make some news.
The governor's race would be a good starting point. With each party only fielding one real candidate (sorry, Mark Neumann) the real drama is still several months off. You know how many legitimate candidates Minnesota has for governor right now? Fifteen. Yes, fifteen. Lucky bastards. Paul Soglin, you joked about running for governor a couple months back. Throw your name into the ring. I don't care if you can't win, run anyway, if only for my amusement. And Tommy Thompson, you're just being lazy. You could destroy Scott Walker with one of your four-termed gubernatorial hands behind your back.
On a more local level, it would help if the District 5 county board candidates create some chaos. Analiese Eicher and Michael Johnson both seem like normal, rational people, and this just will not do. One of you has to start a flame war with Kathleen Falk or make handing out Oreos at Gordon Commons the sole basis of your campaign platform, anything that makes you look incompetent.
Even potential ASM candidates can join the cause. Ever heard of the Pail and Shovel Party? They are the folks who created the original Lake Mendota Statue of Liberty. They also once covered Bascom Hill with pink flamingos and promised to flood Camp Randall in order to stage mock naval battles, which sadly never came to fruition. How this party died is beyond me. I might even resurrect it myself if it'll create some buzz.
Honestly, the slightest provocation will do. We'll run with it, we're good at that. We'll do the work regardless, just please, notable people of Madison, give us something to work with.
Todd Stevens is a junior majoring in history and psychology. We welcome all feedback. Please send all feedback to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
