For the first time ever, UW-Madison college freshman Jeremy Levin was hailed as ""kinda cool"" by students in his alma mater, Pembleton Senior High in northeast Wisconsin. Visiting his hometown over Thanksgiving break, Levin insisted on visiting the institution that once brought him so much pain, humiliation and creative limitation so he could show them how much wiser and sexier he had become over the past three months.
""Yeah, you know, I kind of miss those kids and I promised [my friend] Harkin last year I'd for sure come back on break, so I really had to,"" Levin said, chuckling. ""I'm sure they've missed me, too, especially [former physics teacher] The Bird.""?
Levin, 18, had been planning his visit for about one week, during which he meticulously chose his attire for the event. Since his ex-girlfriend still attends the school, he knew he needed to look as mature and hip as possible and therefore opted to wear skinny jeans and a flannel shirt, a complete 180-degree flip from his previous recycling and thrifting-indifferent style. Topping the outfit off with a pair of Toms and a Barack Obama pin, Levin departed from his home and hoped that no one remembered he had once thrown up during Assembly period. Or passed out twice during the racketball unit in gym.
In the first three minutes of arriving at Simpleton, Levin was mistaken for a sex offender due to his half-grown goatee and had to convince the front desk ladies that he had, in fact, graduated one year prior. Since Levin had strategically planned to visit at lunch hour A, he knew he had enough time and audience to make the entrance he had always dreamed of. ?
Opening the cafeteria doors, Levin stood in the doorway for a full 15 seconds and appeared to be looking for someone. When asked later who he was searching for, he responded, ""Oh, no one. I was just giving them enough time to take me in. Once they recognized me, they were all supposed to get quiet, but that never happened so I just moved on to part two of the entrance.""?
Approaching the table of junior boys nearest to his ex-girlfriend, Levin loudly greeted Kyle Harkin with, ""Word, my man!"" and pounded him on the back. Looking slightly offended and confused, Harkin began coughing up what he had previously been eating and was unable to respond. Addressing the table of apathetic 16-year-olds, Levin began a previously rehearsed speech of how hard and different college was and how they should really take as many AP classes as possible because it really helps, believe me, man. As he was taking out pictures of his dorm compost bin, the bell unexpectedly rang.?
""I didn't understand why he came back and wanted to show everyone pictures of dirt. Maybe he's getting his degree in soil or something,"" senior Matt Anderson said. ""He was always kind of a weirdo.""?
""Yeah, and why was he wearing ballet flats?"" junior Michelle Mendez added.
Levin's ex-girlfriend managed to avoid him completely and continue on to her next class. She says that she was excited to see him that day but was thrown off when she saw him because he appeared to be wearing women's jeans.?
""He's like, a lumberjack. But a girl,"" she said. ""I don't get it, but I guess it's kind of cool, maybe.""?
After being kicked out of The Bird's class because they were having an exam, Levin decided to go home. As he was leaving, he was finally recognized by someone, another visiting freshman named Natalie Dubois, 19, who asked him if he was going to graduate high school that year.?
If you peaked in high school like me, please e-mail VP at evanpay@wisc.edu so that I have someone to make a support group with.?
