A stein of Capital Brewery's Oktoberfest brew, a bag of dark chocolate chips, chunks of sliced pineapple and ranch dressing are each a wonderful thing in their own right. But just being delicious doesn't mean mixing them all together in one big bowl will make for the world's greatest snack. In fact, the resulting sludge will probably be a hell of a lot worse than any of the original components on their own.
This is a pretty good summary of what's going on in ""Couples Retreat."" A comedy set on a sexy island packed to the gills with A-list funnymen and beautiful women must have sounded like a studio executive's wet dream on paper, but the cast lacks the chemistry to make the film escape a sludgy, brown mess of dull sight gags and sloppy screenwriting.
Inches from divorce, Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell) propose to their friends that the four couples head on a vacation to Eden, an all-inclusive island resort with the best couples therapy program in the world. Jason promises that the therapy is optional, leaving the other couples free to enjoy the island at the reduced group rate they can all share. Reluctantly (and based on their reactions, inexplicably), the group agrees, and they all head off for some fun in the sun. When they arrive, they find out the entire program is mandatory, forcing each couple to face their own unique problems head on.
The exposition of the film is overly elaborate and forced for the simple premise, filled with excessive explanation of the characters and their lives. And yet, it remains without nuance—giving Ronnie (Malin Akerman, ""Watchmen"") and Dave (Vince Vaughn) badges that say ""I'm a bored soccer mom"" and ""I'm a workaholic everyman"" on their foreheads would have been subtler.
The longwinded 45-minute exposition leaves about 62 minutes for shenanigans to ensue. The movie remains safe and predictable throughout, leaving the audience half-asleep waiting for the cast to happily get back together in the end.
It might not be so bad if any of the couples in the massive cast had ANY chemistry at all. Kristin Davis and Jon Favreau may not have even been on set together; the few shots where they can be caught interacting with one another could have been more convincing with plastic stand-ins. At one point, I found myself forgetting whom Malin Akerman was supposed to be married to, aided only by Vince Vaughn's matching outfit.
With a shaky premise and little natural chemistry to rely on, the entire back-half of the film relies on poorly written and executed sight gags. Vaughn challenges the resort employees to a Guitar Hero contest, Shane (Faizon Love) is run ragged by his more nimble twenty-something mistress and Favreau hits on all the single ladies hidden away on the opposite side of the resort. It's a series of semi-funny vignettes that don't work together to do anything but fill screen time.
The whole affair seems to be written on top of broad assumptions on what the audience wants to see—all the young people ridiculously sexy, all the main characters are confused by Twitter and all marriages can work themselves out with enough work.
If you have a mature understanding of the world, you're likely to feel more insulted than appeased.
Grade: D
