It's the end of lecture. ""Any more questions?""
No. No, there are not any more questions. I don't care how confused you are, I don't care if you're asking for someone to call the ambulance because you are dying. There are no more questions. Oh crap, someone's raising their hand. Put that hand down, for the love of God. Can't you see I have things to do? I have 10 minutes to get to my next class on the other side of campus/I am going to pee all over/why am I still alive/I'm supposed to get ass after this/I am so HUNGRY.
Oh God, it's that kid again. It's the, ""Well, I think,"" kid. Why must you do this to me? Do you have any classroom etiquette? Do you even have sympathy? Or is your question so burning, so pressing that you have to delay the rest of us, the 200 squirming, irritated people with places to be who packed their things up five minutes ago, until you are finished asking a completely irrelevant question?
It would be rude to just get up and leave—everybody would see. The professor might say, ""Can't you see my fine pupil, ‘Well, I think,' has a question that might be beneficial to you? Why are you so rude?"" But even the professor is trying to inconspicuously close his computer as that kid is yapping. Meanwhile, the TA is shuffling around in their backpack aimlessly and drumming their fingers on the desk.
I, unlike the perpetrator, always keep my mouth shut because I know the professor's final question is a formality, that they don't really give a shit, much like the rest of us, if there are any final questions. They are probably dying for a damn cigarette. I know I would be if I had a class full of ""Well-I-Thinks.""
So, professor, can't you refer them to office hours? Do they even know that office hours exist? Maybe you should make that part of the syllabus clear again. Because that's what office hours are for—pointless questions, rhetorical or not, that are intended to make you look smart and gain some points with the faculty. But students don't grade you (although I would give you 0/10 for Timing of Extraneous Questions) and no one cares about your highly developed intellect. Put simply, I am sweating my sac off in this creaky wooden chair and I want to get the hell out of here. Yeah it's 3:12 and the class ends at 3:15, but that's three whole minutes where I could be doing something else! I could be halfway home/already finished in the bathroom/getting on my moped/walking and eating a Powerbar/on the line with my Booty Call.
Did I mention I'm bored to the point of jumping off this building and taking ""Well, I think,"" with me? Because I am. And I'm going to do it if they ask one more stupid-ass question. I dare them to ask about one more minute detail about a subtopic that will never come up again/something that's clearly already written on the board/a question that's worded in such a passive-aggressive way that challenges the professor when, obviously, the student is wrong.
No, please, close your mouth, I wasn't actually daring you. Oh God, I think I'm embarrassed for them. The sharp glances, the hopeless sighing, the disdainful murmuring, oh, the humanity! Speaking of Humanities, I have to be there in about seven minutes, so please, I am begging you, shut your trap. I will answer your fricking question. As long as this happens while walking out the door. Look at me, I'm a mess, I'm even sweatier than before. Are you happy? Are you pleased with yourself, ""Well, I think""? My day is ruined. Thank you for wrecking this once beautiful and precious day that I will never get back. Oh wait, they're asking a question about the midterm. Hold on, let me get my notebook out.
If you have any more questions, please, please refrain from e-mailing them to VP at evanpay@wisc.edu.
