Everyone wants to purport themselves as an appealing figure online, but sometimes the posturing goes too far. This is especially true in the case of UW-Madison student Jeffrey Jackson, who admitted today that he has seen few, if any, of the films he lists in the Favorite Movies"" section of his Facebook profile.
Jackson willfully confessed to his online faux pas, but claimed his actions were justified. ""I was trying to impress this chick in my film class. Bro, she was so f'in hot,"" said Jackson, who described her as having ""an awesome rack"" and ""major DSLs, bro.""
Jackson originally enrolled in Communication Arts 350: Intro to Film so he could just watch movies all day and get credit but soon found there was more to the course than met the eye. ""Dude, have you ever taken a Comm. Arts class? There are so many smokin' hot chicks, bro. Every dumb sorority bitch takes that class.""
As a result, Jackson swiftly changed his Favorite Movies section from ""How High"" and ""Pornos, LOL"" to something a bit more classy.
Examining Jackson's profile quickly yields films a mongoloid such as Jackson could never enjoy. Entries like ""Sergei Eisenstein's early work,"" ""anything by Jean-Luc Godard"" and ""His Girl Friday"" immediately raise red flags, as do contemporary films such as ""Sen to Chihiro No Kamikakushi,"" a movie which Jackson admits ""I have no idea what that film is, man."" If Jackson had known that ""Kamikakushi"" is actually an anime film known in America as ""Spirited Away,"" he may have realized the unlikelihood of girls finding him attractive for enjoying that film.
Communication Arts professor Bradley Schauer said this kind of deception is more common than many know. ""The number of undergraduate males who list 'The Notebook' as one of their favorite films is simply staggering,"" Schauer said. ""Experts advise people to treat Facebook like a resume, but students seem to take it a bit too far.""
In the end, Jackson seemed rueful about his decision to engage in such a deception. ""That chick didn't even want to come to the Sig Chi party, man, she totally saw through my act,"" Jackson said, adding that the girl was probably a lesbian anyway. Jackson has learned the error of his way, however, and has promised to modify his movie selection soon. ""If a girl can't appreciate your love of 'The Happening,' then she isn't even worth it,"" Jackson said, throwing his North Face on in preparation for another Monday night at the KK.
""As long as I've got my collar and the champagne bottles poppin', bitches are gonna be slobbin' on my knob like corn on the cob."" Jackson was then observed texting a girl to see if she wanted to ""cum watch Da Noteookizzle and chill out."" Although Jackson's Facebook deception may be over, it appears his real-life deception remains strong.
