I laughed out loud when I read your column last week, because I have fantasies about one of my professors, too! Can you talk a little bit more about making those fantasies a reality—can I get in trouble for sleeping with my professor? Or can he get in trouble?
Thanks,
A+ Student
Dear A+,
First off, you're asking the wrong sex columnist; I met my fiancé while he was a house fellow in my dorm, and he was later fired for ""inappropriate relations with a resident."" As you can probably deduce, that resident was me. Since my standards of appropriateness are clearly flawed, I deferred to some experts in the field for this one: a female lecturer in the chemistry department, a male horticulture TA, three former house fellows and some official university guidelines and policies.
The short answer: ""They can't stop you, [but] it is made clear that it is not in your best interests to pursue a personal relationship,"" the TA says. Specific policies vary by department, but the official University of Wisconsin-Madison Statement of Consensual Relationships says ""amorous"" relationships ""have the potential for extremely serious consequences and ought to be avoided."" The statement goes on to require ""suitable arrangements be made for the objective evaluation of the student, employee or prospective employee"" should such a relationship arise.
The house fellow handbook devotes two paragraphs (of 43 pages) to ""consensual romantic and/or sexual relationships."" You can find them in the sexual harassment section. After noting that the university provides ""clear direction"" to individuals seeking to engage in such relationships, it states, ""The individual with the power or status advantage must notify his or her immediate supervisor. The supervisor has the responsibility for making arrangements to eliminate or mitigate a conflict where consequences might prove detrimental to the university or to either party in the relationship.""
So, by the books, the person with the power/status advantage must notify their immediate supervisor. Then the supervisor has the responsibility to make some arrangements, I guess, though according to a female former house fellow, even conflicts that could be ""mitigated"" beforehand often aren't: ""Putting a flirty, attractive female on a horny male floor probably was not the best call."" So much for clear direction.
The individuals I spoke to were pretty clear on these policies, but also provided real-world (and, in some cases, ""done-that"") perspectives. When asked about official policy, the chem lecturer said, ""If you do sleep with a student, you must remove yourself from any ability to grade that student,"" although she also noted that in the chemistry department, the policy is generally ""not to sleep with students."" Coming from a prof or TA's point of view, this makes sense: ""Nearly all the risk lies with the person in a position [of power],"" observes the TA. ""The [potential risks include] lawsuits, loss of job, and professional isolation."" The lecturer echoes that last point: ""TAs that have flirted with students or talked about attraction to them have been scorned in my experience... It really comes across as lecherous and nasty, like your priorities are out of order.""
OK, fine. But—hot damn—the way my professor looks deep into my eyes and talks about masculine sexuality just trips my trigger. ""Many people do do it without incident,"" observes the TA, and multiple instances cropped up in my small sample. So despite the long-ass list of potential consequences, the fact that there are potential consequences doesn't escape many of us, and ultimately, the presence of those potential consequences could (you know, potentially) make the sex that much more appealing.
Finally, you ask if you could get in trouble for sleeping with your professor, and the answer appears to be no (except, in my case, with my fiancé). The university cannot suspend, expel or automatically flunk a student for scheduling some extra-special office hours. In fact, they're pretty up-front about the disparity: ""The instructor, supervisor, or other employee who, by virtue of his or her special power and responsibility, will bear a special burden of accountability."" Despite the absence of written consequences, I do want to point out that a pre-existing imbalance of power in a relationship might interfere with the subordinate's ability to freely give consent. I might be reluctant to end a relationship if I knew this professor could write me a great recommendation. You might agree to do things you'd rather not do if you knew your TA could help get you a spot in your first-choice lab. Don't forget that a relationship with a professor might be just like class itself—it starts off super interesting and fun, but ends up being a giant pain in the ass for the student.
And speaking of students, I was so excited to get a student question at sex@dailycardinal.com, I about jizzed in my pants. So keep 'em (and me) coming.
