Openacht Pantry, President and CEO of the self-named convenience store Open Pantry, has filed preemptive restraining orders against every Badger running back, both current and former, in an attempt to end the wave of destruction developing over the last past years.
In Fall 2007, former Badger running back Lance Smith had a scuffle with his girlfriend both inside and outside the all-too convenient corner store.
Smith proceeded to steal his girlfriend's shoes, thus preventing her from purchasing anything from the store due to Open Pantry's stringent no shirt, no shoes, no service"" policy. She proceeded to walk back in the store, leaving muddy footprints everywhere. ""It took several minutes to mop,"" Pantry said.
Weeks ago, another former Badger back, P.J. Hill, was arrested after crashing into a guardrail at the OP and driving away. He was eventually arrested at gunpoint and charged with multiple felonies. Addressing the significance of the recklessly damaged guardrail, Pantry said, ""I made that guardrail from scratch with my bare hands. I'm from New Jersey; we take pride in that kind of thing.""
Stipulations of Hill's bail are that he cannot drink alcohol, and most significantly, cannot be in or around Open Pantry.
""Part of me is sad about P.J., considering he was our best customer,"" said Pantry. ""However, it's a precaution we have to take.""
While the wide-ranging restraining orders may be unfair to every running back, only one is publicly protesting.
""You're talking about my lifeblood here. I eat, drink and sleep OP. You mean to tell me I've had my last stale meatball sandwich? I'll believe it when I see it,"" said robust former Heisman winner Ron Dayne.
