I still cannot help but shake my head every time I watch any game that involves Ohio State and the television camera squares up on the ridiculous head of Brutus the Buckeye.
Ohio State, your mascot is a nut. A nut with a body and big ol' Mickey Mouse gloves on his hands. But to be fair, you could have it a lot worse. As ridiculous as Brutus the Buckeye is, he pales in comparison to some lesser-known mascots in the world of college sports.
For instance, St. Louis University's Billiken. I had no idea what a Billiken was either, so I looked it up on Wikipedia. It said, ""The Billiken was a charm doll created by an American art teacher and illustrator, Ms. Florence Pretz of St. Louis Missouri, who is said to have seen the mysterious figure in a dream.""
So the mascot in St. Louis is a doll. I looked up a picture of this character, and the only way I could think to describe him was weary-faced extra-terrestrial. Or maybe a bald elf that just got finished swimming in the Arctic Ocean. I just don't feel the intimidation factor.
At least you can look up what their mascot is, though. The same cannot be said for George Mason's Gunston. It's basically an oversized Seasame Street puppet in a green and gold jersey. Does it say something about a university when they invent a mascot, give it a name and then trail off when someone asks what the hell that thing is?
Speaking of meaningless puppets, the Western Kentucky red blob thing still boggles my mind. He is like a short, red version of Grimace, the McDonalds character on Happy Meal boxes. Most people are familiar with this infamous figure in the sporting world. Big Red has starred in a number of SportsCenter commercial spots and a bunch of those Capital One mascot challenge commercials, but few know where he's from.
I got a firsthand lesson two years ago when I covered the WNIT tournament at the Kohl Center, and Western Kentucky paraded onto the basketball court followed by that thing. Then I saw it grab a woman's scarf and stuff it down it's mouth-hatch. It did not give the scarf back. Maybe intimidating? If it could talk, I imagine it would sound a lot like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers—""I'm gunna eatcha!""
Big Red's sad blue cousin from Xavier is no better. Affectionately referred to as ""The Blue Blob,"" I cannot figure out why the Musketeers choose to have this guy roaming around their sports arenas as opposed to a swashbuckling swordsman. He looks like an oversized Cookie Monster who got a bucket of hydrochloric acid dumped on his head. What it is and what relevance it has to Musketeers or the greater Cincinnati community, I would sure love to know.
Unfortunately for the folks at UC-Santa Cruz, there is no mistaking what exactly their mascot is: a banana slug. I really want to know what was going through the minds of the folks on the athletic board when they made that decision. They seriously could not come up with anything more fierce and intimidating than a slug that hangs out on old fruit? The only picture I could find of this thing was slightly badass. He had his arms folded in a ten-point stance with his little Shrek ears flopping on the top of his half-baked face.
Honorable mentions should go to a couple of big league schools with mascots that look like little league characatures-gone-costume. Stanford is a pretty solid Pac-10 school with some respectable sports programs. But the Cardinal mascot is anything but pretty, solid or respectable. In fact, it's a tree. A tree with big, creepy Rupaul lips. Google ""Stanford tree."" You'll see what I mean.
And of course, there's Goldy. Covering a volleyball game in the Minnesota Field House, I could not agree more with the student reporter sitting next to me at the press table who pointed to their mascot and said, ""Who's going to be scared of an oversized rodent with a grin like that?"" Good question. Anyone?
What's your favorite college mascot? Let Andy know by e-mailing him at avansistine@wisc.edu.
