The semester break brings spare time, and with it the opportunity to contemplate the great questions of life. I spent virtually the entire break trying to decide which of the great mysteries to ponder. With only a few days of break left, I finally hit on the question I wanted to devote my life to understanding: What the fuck were Beyoncé and her producers thinking when they released Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)""?
With Nickelback and Soulja Boy getting played on the radio, it's not like ""Single Ladies"" is the only bad song on the air right now. But ""Single Ladies"" raises the bar for overall shittiness.
The shittiness begins with the vocals. No matter what else you want to say about Beyoncé, the woman has a fantastic voice. Her voice was the centerpiece of Destiny's Child, and her voice has carried her to numerous platinum/gold albums.
Compare ""Single Ladies"" to another recent song, ""If I Was A Boy"". While ""If I Was A Boy"" is generally uninspired and has equally vapid lyrics, it showcases the rich texture of Beyoncé's voice. The melody of ""Single Ladies,"" however, restricts itself to a range of five consecutive keys on the keyboard for all but 29 seconds. You could literally play two minutes and 48 seconds of this song on the piano without moving your hand. Sad, just sad.
The rhythm isn't much better. The beat seems interesting at the start of the song and blends well with the verse. However, when the chorus starts, the rhythm and vocals seem disconnected from each other. Instead of serving to tie the entire song together, the chorus feels disjointed and, in turn, causes the song to become stilted and awkward.
Even the music video - normally a sure thing with a woman as beautiful as Beyoncé - flops. The choreography and directing are fine, but I challenge you to watch Beyoncé's facial expressions without laughing. I'm sure that the producers of this video simply assumed that viewers would be too busy imagining themselves having sex with Beyoncé to notice the ridiculous facial expressions. Unfortunately for Beyoncé, spandex and high heels can only distract so much.
Personally, I think the worst part is the lyrics. Although the song is entitled ""Single Ladies,"" only one phrase actually addresses single ladies: ""Now put your hands up."" The rest of the lyrics consist of flaunting a possible new man in the face of an ex-boyfriend. Instead of celebrating singlehood, the lyrics are a 2:30 a.m. drunken voicemail that insists, ""I'm soooo over you.""
The lyrics aren't content to merely drunk-dial the ex, though. At the 2:20 mark, Beyoncé quotes one of the most powerful lines in movie history: ""To infinity and beyond."" Yes. That's correct. While telling off an ex, the lyrics actually quote Buzz Motherfucking Lightyear. That will show him that you are a confident, single woman. You go, girl.
This song is awful. I cannot imagine any situation that would justify the recording, production or release of a song this bad. Maybe next time I have a break from classes, I should devote myself to a higher calling. Something like Facebook stalking. It has to be more worthwhile than listening to ""Single Ladies.""
