Coworkers can make or break a job. Even if you have an easy job like me, not getting along with your coworkers makes work anything but a pleasurable experience.
That said, I can't help but recall an old coworker of mine, who went by the nickname Kegger. Although she was lazy, stupid and whiny, she was also the most interesting person I've ever worked with.
Kegger was a stripper and she made sure everyone knew it. Well, technically, she was an ex-stripper: When I meet her, she was working at a fast-food restaurant. But this did not deter her from wearing as little clothing as possible.
Yes, we had a uniform, but Kegger would come to work in a skirt that revealed both the top and bottom of her thong. I had a theory that she had just bought a jean belt somewhere and decided it would make a cuter skirt.
Fortunately, she changed out of this belt and into her uniform each day. Unfortunately, she felt bras weren't part of this uniform, and went without. We worked with ice cream and it was cold in there. What was probably painfully cold for her was disturbingly cold for the rest of us.
Kegger was fearless. An hour into my first shift, she walked up and grabbed my butt. Not a pinch; mind you, but a double-handed squeeze and a slap that left a handprint. I spun around, shocked, and she said, Your butt was just made to strip. You probably have the nicest ass in here, after me, of course."" I murmured a confused ""thank you"" and she walked away.
But Kegger wasn't happy sexually assaulting her coworkers in fast food. She was ""destined for that pole,"" as she liked to say. She was thinking about going back to stripping but was having trouble getting ""Club Shaker's"" to give her a recommendation. She had been fired from the strip club for inappropriate conduct.
But as I worked more with Kegger, I also realized she may be a compulsive liar. There was the time when she called in sick with a severe case of strep throat, only to show up two hours later and order some burgers in the drive through. She claimed the grease from the burgers would soothe her throat.
Then there was the time she went downstairs because she had to ""take her medicine"" - once again for strep throat - only to be found 40 minutes later sleeping in the office with a flask in hand.
But even her 13 cases of strep throat over a three-month period couldn't top the pregnancy scare. She came in crying one day, and for some reason decided I would be the perfect audience. She didn't know how it happened, she was always so careful.
She used a condom, like, 50 percent of the time - doesn't that count for anything? I gently patted her head and was a little glad I had my food-prep gloves on.
She had narrowed it down to four possible fathers. She was dating one seriously, engaged to the other and she was pretty sure the third guy's name was Bob, so she had some leads. Oh, and the fourth one happened to be one of the assistant managers, but she was ""like, 60 percent sure it's not his.""
Later that night, her fiancé came in and ruined the whole soap opera when he revealed she was lying about the pregnancy in an effort to get extra time off work.
Needless to say, Kegger did not get her time off, but maybe she will when the boss finds the flask she hides in the box of kid's toys.
If you have met some interesting characters at work, e-mail Megan at mcorbett2@wisc.edu.
