When I was younger, we would only get 30 minutes to eat lunch in school so we had ample time to play outside before the rest of the school day ensued. Everyone was elated because, well, we were 10, and recess was about the best thing that could possibly happen to kids like us, stuck in private school all day.
But for me, it was different. While everyone would be running out the classroom door, struggling to get their jackets on and line up simultaneously, I'd still be sitting at my desk (we had no cafeteria) trying to finish my tomato.
You must really like to dine,"" my first grade teacher once said to me. Now, ignoring the fact that this was probably a fat joke on behalf of my teacher, her statement has truly stuck with me throughout my life.
Eating is not to be confused with dining. Although I can eat lunch in about five minutes if I needed to, dining requires patience and the essentials - ambience, appetizers and a good crowd. To use the first grade example again, while everyone rushed to eat their pineapple and cottage cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I'd be sitting at my desk slowly savoring my soup in a thermos or my salad with tuna. All the other kids would tell me to hurry up, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat so quickly. Food is meant to be enjoyed, and I will always take my grand old time.
And wasn't there a rumor that we burn more calories by eating our food slowly? I might have gotten that bit of information from Cher Horowitz of ""Clueless,"" but let's say that, for the record, it's true. Therefore, by eating a lot over a longer period of time, I'm actually getting a workout.
Dining in can also be a momentous occasion. There's actually no need to leave the house to have a proper and fulfilling dining experience. With an entrée and approximately 10 different side dishes in front of me, I can eat in my apartment just as well as I could if I were at Dotty's. We all need a little variety, right?
My family always makes fun of my dining obsession, too. If anyone so much as mentions something about a meal, I'm right up in their grill discussing all of the major and minor details. Can we get mozzarella sticks? Promise we can get dessert? Do they have a good breadbasket there? All of these questions must be addressed before deciding on a final eating location.
My aversion to eating on the run really has hindered some of my chances in life, too. Forced to plan out my meals, sometimes weeks in advance to ensure I get the ultimate dining experience no matter where I am, I'll be checking menus online instead of studying for my midterms.
People still get confused though. ""You're saying that eating is your hobby?"" they ask, with a slightly horrified, ""didn't your parents teach you anything?"" type of gaze. But, I always correct them: ""No. Dining.""
It's safe to say that nothing has really changed since my days in elementary school. I'm still the last one to finish my meal, and I'm usually eating everybody else's food, too, in order to make the meal last longer. Although my friends might want to leave as soon as we finish at a restaurant, I'd rather sit and relax, thinking about the amazing food that we all just consumed.
So despite the fact I may have been being made fun of at the time, my first-grade teacher did help me find my calling in life. And I'll be dining for the rest of it.
If your friends always leave you at the restaurant for their lack of respect for dining, e-mail Ariel at akraut@wisc.edu.
