Mind going numb... eyelids dropping... saliva collecting at the corner of your mouth about to spill out and form a puddle of drool to the disgust of your neighbors. For the love of Bucky, when will it end?!
Now that the newness and nostalgia of starting classes has faded away, you are left with the grave realization that this absolutely sucks. Nothing drains the body of all desire to function like a boring class. It happens to everyone. There is just one subject matter, one professor and one oddly comforting and sleep-inducing PowerPoint background color that is the downfall of your entire semester.
But, like hundreds before you, you must find a way to trudge on. There are ways to make it through that boring class of yours. You and I, we can do this together.
One way to beat the boring class blues while at
least pretending to be intellectual is reading a newspaper. You may know that The New York Times under your arm is only for looks/sports/confirming that the vague rumor you heard about our economy circling the proverbial toilet bowl, but other people will see you as a man or woman of the world.
That is if you are lucky enough to get the Times. Or you could be like me and randomly receive a bill for three weeks of papers you haven't gotten. Instead of reading the news, should I ever get my paper, I will take out my revenge by drawing mustaches and blacking out teeth on the columnist photos. They will feel my wrath and I will be entertained in class.
But should you not be seeking revenge on one of the world's foremost news corporations, the next best in-class activity is probably people-watching. Who's hot, who's not and from who or what is that rotten egg smell coming from? Be sure to avoid him or her, smells like that will stick on your clothes for days.
Also be sure to note who seems to be taking good notes - they could be important allies when finals time arrives and you realize your only notes are the aforementioned drool stains.
People-watching can also lead to screen-watching. Should you be lucky enough to sit behind someone with a laptop, you will soon realize that his screen will entrance you, making it even harder to focus on anything class related. It is a well-known fact that absolutely no one in a lecture using his laptop is actually paying attention. He is more likely chatting, playing online games or hacking into a military database and encoding rockets to launch, spelling his name over western Oregon and destroying his ex-girlfriend from high school who didn't think a long distance relationship would work. No matter how entertaining this may become, do not lean over to tell him about the double letter score he could get on squirm"" for online Scrabble. Scrabble is not a team game and you will lose your screen-watching privileges. You don't want him sending those rockets your way instead of Oregon's.
But, don't rule out games in general from your list of things to do besides learn. Remember those games from middle school, like tic-tac-toe, the true love test or MASH? Those little gems have kept me conscious through many a lecture. It's not everyday you marry Allan Evridge, move to Hawaii, have 17 children, drive a Porsche and live in a mansion. And all that on a lunch lady's salary? That's the American dream, my friends.
So now, as I sit in my own boring class, the girl behind me getting a sneak peek of next week's column, I hope I have given you at least some helpful advice on making these classes a little more bearable. But if you still find yourself staring out that second story window wondering if you could survive the fall and escape this all-encompassing boredom, think of it this way - at least there aren't rogue missiles careening towards your class, compliments of your ex.
Megan hates boring classes even more than snotty Scrabble players who say they saw the move you suggested even though they clearly didn't. If you have a boring class you'd like to discuss, e-mail her at mcorbett2@wisc.edu.
