As a film columnist, I often find myself scrolling through entertainment websites, listening for rumors of stars being attached to certain projects, movies being shot in various locales, and projects being discussed in general. Sometimes, I come across a movie in pre-production that excites me so much, I simply can't wait the 18 months it will take to shoot the movie before talking about it. Others I wish would never see the light of day, felled by some unfortunate"" budgetary issues or a directorial conflict. Here, hot off the presses (well, off the ""Internet"" presses, but whatever), are four movies - two set to debut in 2009 and two set to debut in 2010. Two destined to be classics and two cataclysmic failures.
First, set for release in January 2009 is ""Revolutionary Road,"" a movie that will finally answer the age-old question: ""Whatever happened to Kate Winslet?"" After her auspicious breakthrough in ""Titanic,"" she disappeared off the radar, only doing roles in independent, artsy films. Now, in a marketing executive's dream come true, she will be reunited with Leonardo DiCaprio, with the pair playing a frustrated couple in 1950s Connecticut coming to terms with the humdrum of suburbia. Directed by Sam Mendes (""American Beauty,"" ""Road To Perdition,"" ""Jarhead""), this film has Oscar written all over it.
Also making its debut in 2009 is ""Madea Goes to Jail,"" the latest cross-dressing comedy from Tyler Perry, whose TBS sitcom ""House of Payne"" is billed in its commercials as ""the greatest sitcom of all time."" Seriously, they say that. Someone needs to get Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, the Wayans Brothers and Perry together and finally convince them that ""guy dresses like fat woman, hilarity ensues"" is not a sufficient plot for a major Hollywood movie. Also, having Tyler Perry pay homage to ""Basic Instinct"" in the trailer? Classless.
While both of these movies are in post-production, the following two are just being formed, and while both are takes on classic novels, one has potential, while the other looks like the next ""Waterworld.""
First up is ""Sherlock Holmes."" Set to be directed by one of my favorite directors, Guy Ritchie (""Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, ""Snatch""), the movie is rumored to star Robert Downey Jr. as the cerebral Sherlock Holmes, with heartthrob Jude Law as his faithful sidekick Dr. Watson. While this project is in pre-production, those three working together on a movie should contribute to a successful summer blockbuster.
Lastly, I bring tragic news, not only for those who appreciate fine cinema, but for those who worship great literature too. Pre-production has begun on an update of ""Moby Dick."" Not bad, right? Except the writers envision presenting the story as a graphic novel, Ã la ""Sin City,"" with extensive CGI. When asked for comment by Variety, screenwriter Adam Cooper replied, ""Our vision isn't your grandfather's 'Moby Dick.'"" Now, before you start retching because someone mentioned ""grandfather"" and ""Moby Dick"" in the same sentence, take a second to ponder a graphic-novel version of Melville's classic from the creators of this summer's schlock-fest, ""Wanted."" OK, you can start throwing up now.
So, until ""Revolutionary Road"" and ""Sherlock Holmes"" grace us with their presence, join me in praying for the untimely demise of ""Moby Dick"" and the entire ""Madea"" franchise. You never know, maybe Tyler Perry will discover that whale-watching is his true passion, then be lost at sea in an orca-related incident, giving ""Moby Dick"" a case of too soon-itis. Hey, a man can dream, right?
Send Kevin a list of the films you're amped for/dreading next year to kslane@gmail.com
