As a college senior, I'm beginning to realize that the Terrace, slutty (but clever) Halloween costumes and convincing my boyfriend and his roommates that my hair is different (and hotter) than Sarah Palin's will soon be things of the past. Instead, my thoughts are starting to turn toward my future.
Naturally, when I heard about the pending career fair - even though I didn't know what a career fair technically was (Ferris wheel? Cotton candy? Scary clowns?) - I thought it sounded like something I should attend.
The career fair promised to offer networking for people of more than 40 majors, including journalism.
So, I put on my most business-like clothes and printed a few resumes and within seconds, the youthful college student was gone and Sarah Palin was staring back at me in the mirror. Damn, I really do look like her.
Confidently, (and rather republican-y) I walked into the Kohl Center and began my search for employers of vice president candidate look-a-likes/reporters (or both).
That's when I discovered that someone had lied to me. There was no one at that career fair looking for writers. In fact, there didn't seem to be many people there looking for anyone but business majors. And there were no creepy-ass clowns there either (the Trix bunny was, though).
So, I decided to wander aimlessly and choose who I wanted to talk to based on the coolest display or tastiest treat.
It was nice to meet you, (insert business student here). We will be getting back to you shortly regarding the status of your resume,"" Employer A said, shaking the student's hand before she walked away.
Then it was my turn.
""Hello,"" Employer A said, extending his hand.
""'Sup?"" I asked, reaching past his hand for the plate of cookies.
""So, why are you interested in working in human resources?""
""Are there nuts in these?""
""Our company offers a competitive salary with benefits.""
""I'm not allergic or anything, I just don't like them,"" I said, chocolate dribbling down my chin.
After a while - once my tummy started hurting because of all my hard-earned candy - I decided it was time to start getting serious.
""Can you tell me about your background in marketing?"" Employer B asked.
""I was actually more interested in that mountain,"" I responded, pointing to the picture on display behind her.
""Huh?""
""It's really pretty. Is that where your office is located?""
""Actually, we're based out of Chicago.""
""Oh. Well do you send any of your entry-level employees to that mountain?"" I asked.
""Not that I know of, but I can put you in touch with my supervisor if - ""
""Does that snowy heaven have anything to do with your company?""
""I'm not sure, but - ""
""Fraud,"" I shouted, storming away.
By the end of the night, I became more and more convinced that the career fair was representative of the rest of the world, indicating that there would be no jobs for journalists upon graduation. So, I decided to adjust.
""Hello, my name is Kiera and here's a copy of my resume.""
""Journalism, well, we don't get a lot of journalism applicants. You are aware this is an accounting firm?""
""Yes, of course. But most people don't realize journalism and accounting are closely related,"" I said.
""How's that?""
""Well, to be an accountant, you have to solve equations with numbers. But I think writing is like
solving equations with words.""
""Hmmm.""
""I look like Sarah Palin?""
""Thank you! I knew you looked familiar, I just couldn't put my finger on it.""
""So am I hired?""
""Absolutely not.""
If you think she's hotter than Sarah Palin, e-mail Kiera at wiatrak@wisc.edu.
