Rather than waste space describing the tragedy that is Will Ferrell's newest sports comedy Semi-Pro,"" this review will be a plea to its star on behalf of the movie going public. Just because every film you make has been box office gold doesn't mean we will love you forever, and if this film is an indicator of where you are taking your career, you've already passed along the crown.
""Semi-Pro"" follows the Flint Tropics, a 1970s-era ABA basketball team whose owner, disco superstar turned power forward Jackie Moon (Ferrell) discovers that four teams from the league will join the NBA at the end of the season. Seizing a chance for the big time, Moon and new point guard Ed Monix (Woody Harrelson) spring to drag his team from the dregs of the league in a race to fourth place. While Monix tries to brush up the team's fundamentals, Jackie Moon takes it upon himself to raise the team's fan base, giving him ample opportunity for shenanigans including jumping over cheerleaders on roller-skates and wrestling a bear.
Mr. Ferrell, if you're not going to read the script past the synopsis, don't bother making us watch it. Like ""Talladega Nights,"" most of the genius of this concept is burned up in the trailer, and the leftovers seem like the deleted scenes from the unrated edition of other Ferrell projects melted together to make the longest 90-minute comedy you'll ever endure.
The segments without Ferrell are oddly serious and seem out of place - Monix's ""troubled past"" doesn't get much deeper than being an alcoholic NBA drop-out and all the other characters are cardboard cut-outs with afros and 1970s garb. By now, Ferrell can pull in an all-star cast, including fellow ""Anchorman"" alum David Koechner, Woody Harrelson, Will Arnett, Andy Dick, Rob Corddry and André ""3000"" Benjamin. We know, Mr. Ferrell, from your previous work in ""Anchorman"" and ""Stranger Than Fiction"" that you play well with others - why choose a script that offers nothing to anyone else in the cast?
Beyond the Jackie Moon antics, the rest of the script lacks the necessary polish to make the concept here work. The pair of commentators for the Flint Tropics, Dick Pepperfield (Andrew Daly) and Lou Redwood (Arnett) seem like they're working off an incomplete initial draft of the R-rated script for ""Dodgeball."" The ""team"" consists of Benjamin's character and the three other guys they paid to stand around him in the ""team"" scenes. Even Koechner seems completely out of place as the commissioner - an uptight, business-focused straight-man to Ferrell's fool.
Do you redeem yourself here at all, Mr. Ferrell? Jackie Moon's hit song ""Love Me Sexy"" is a riot, especially when you see its album cover. The physical comedy here is top-notch, and as always, random bouts of yelling and swearing extemporaneously can save a floundering scene. But you've been doing that for three straight mediocre comedies - how big a mortgage do you have to pay?
