Valentine's Day has come and gone, and some still have something to show for it. An oversized heart-shaped balloon may still be wilting in the corner next to the dying overpriced bouquet of cliché roses.
But, like most, I have nothing to show for Valentine's Day. Not even a hickey. But, I did receive perhaps the most unique gift ever. A penis-shaped box of chocolates? No. An elegant dinner date to Frank's complete with fake flowers on the table? I wish.
Instead, on Valentine's Day I opened a box from my mother containing two packets of tuna and the largest bag of Raisin Bran man has ever seen. My jaw dropped to the floor as I eyed the monstrosity from top to bottom. It contained two pounds of carbohydrate goodness. And I'm not talking about the real Kellogs Raisin Bran. This was the knock-off version many college students enjoy, complete with absurd cartoon characters on the front.
I decided I would consume the bag as a new project. I'd mark the day I opened it and mark the day I finished. I set June 2010 as my goal end date. I figured I could celebrate graduation and finish the bag all at one party. But my roommates had bigger and brighter plans. Why not just eat the entire bag in one day?
That sounded like the worst plan ever conceived, so I naturally agreed. After the three of us calculated servings and calories, we solidified our time limit to 12 hours. The next morning, the journey began.
Breakfast was easy. We toasted our bowls and dug in. We could have invited Malt-O-Meal to our house that morning to film a commercial of us merrily chomping away at our industrial-sized goal. It tasted delicious.
Surprisingly, the cereal never filled me up for very long. By the time lunch rolled around I easily downed two large bowls. My body craved something besides carbs and milk, but being the dedicated person I am, I told my body to shove it and enjoy the food on the table. There are starving children in La Crosse for goodness sakes.
Dinner was a slight problem. The bag was dwindling before my eyes, but some of the ingredients began to work wonders on my body. I'm sure you're all thinking it. And yes, I consumed more fiber that day than I normally eat in a month.
One cup of the cereal contains six grams of fiber. If we all ate equal amounts of the bag, I consumed 32 grams of fiber in about eight hours. Apparently my roommates felt the same way, given that I came home to find the plunger resting usefully next to the toilet and recently used that evening.
Who plugged the toilet?"" I tactfully screamed throughout our residence. My roommates answered with an awkward silence. Finally one stepped forward with a meager ""I did."" I then proceeded to call the anonymous roommate ""the woman who dropped Hiroshima in our bathroom"" the rest of the day.
We ate the entire bag well within our goal, finishing in 10 hours and six minutes. The enormous bag now shines proudly on our living room wall with a small plaque at the top - which some mistake as a note card - proclaiming the time finished. I think of it as a beacon of hope inspiring me to reach my fiber consuming goals every day. It also reminds me of the daily disruptions that amount of fiber imposed on my routine. Conquering this goal once in a lifetime is enough for me.
If you are planning on downing an industrial size bag of lettuce in preparation for Spring Break, e-mail Emily at bisek@wisc.edu _for some tips._
