We've all been there before. That awkward break between classes when there isn't really enough time to run home but you want to get food. But there really isn't anyone to eat with. Then you feel sad. You mass text all of your friends to see where they are, if maybe they have time for a fast sandwich at Subway or a burrito from Chipotle. But after no replies, you just have to face the facts: No one's around. Cue up the Psycho music because this is straight out of a horror movie. It has to be everyone's worst nightmare - eating alone.
But eating alone is not as bad as one might think. Society has taught us to feel compassionate for the old man alone in the corner of a restaurant or the starving artist alone at a diner with a cup of black coffee. One of my friends even starts to cry when she sees someone alone in a restaurant. But it's really not the worst thing that could possibly happen. Sometimes eating alone can be fun, you just have to know where to go.
The first place around campus that I can recommend to all of those people that need a quick bite is the Memorial Union. The Union is chock full of students grabbing food on the go, and plenty of them stay to eat. However, there is an intricate art that goes along with dining at the Union, which isn't hard to master. As you'll quickly notice, most of the students sitting there are only pretending to do work. All you have to do is bring a textbook, notebook or anything else that remotely resembles homework and you're in business. You'll get a great meal (really, nothing can beat the Union veggie chili), and you'll get some work done, all while enjoying a great view and some quality people watching.
And we all know those people. The ones who sit at Starbucks and sip their lattes, accompanied only by their laptops. They slam on the keys and act as pretentious as possible, usually completing the look with some plastic-framed glasses and an American Apparel zip-up. But, Starbucks isn't just for the hipsters out there. Yeah, they're kind of annoying, but I think we can all take a hint from the Starbucks hipsters, since they truly are masters of the art we've been discussing so far. Their keen skills in the less than ideal situation of entertaining yourself are unmatched.
Going along with the coffee theme, each of the different coffee chains on State Street are great for when you have some unavoidable alone time. As long as you have a laptop with you, you're good to go. I prefer Fair Trade Coffee because virtually everybody is there alone. At Fair Trade, I never need to fear that I could run into a group of people I know and face the whole nervous explanation of what I'm doing there. It's also a great environment for getting some real studying done, and their pastries are pretty good too.
Finally, the best way, and either the most or least embarrassing way (depending on who you ask) to eat alone is if you're drunk. And I mean completely pounded, never, ever remembering what happened the night before drunk. Can anyone think of a better excuse? Even just pretending you're drunk will save you from the utterly undesirable situation of when it is 3 a.m. and you really need some Buffalo Wild Wings in the worst way, but all of your roommates have already passed out. One of my friends, who shall remain nameless for the sake of her protection, has been known to frequent Qdoba all alone in the wee hours of the morning. It's unconventional, sure, but I have to hand it to her; it's a genius tactic.
I think we should all let go of all of our notions about eating alone and relax a little. Blast that awesomely bad Heart song circa 1987, aptly titled Alone,"" and just have a good time.
If you see Ariel at Sunroom Café blasting her favorite lonely '80s ballad and need some quiet studying time, don't interrupt the moment. E-mail her at akraut@wisc.edu.
