Last Saturday I watched the mighty Badgers decimate the tragically overrated Michigan Wolverines. As happy as I was to watch the victory, the day still had some bitter-sweet overtones. You see, it was (hopefully) the last game I'll watch as an undergraduate.
For the last four years, I have enjoyed the rich traditions and loyal fan base that make Wisconsin football so great. Against all odds I have grown to love the pungent aroma of brats and beer at 9:30 in the morning, but even so, I have a few small suggestions to make Wisconsin game days better for everyone.
The first thing that almost always bothers me is that I enter the stadium and make my way up to my seat only to find that someone else is in it. That's weak. More often than not, I climb to the top of the section in search of a seat to no avail. Why aren't there any seats left in the student section for ticket-holding students? Why do I have to travel around the crowded student section like Moses and the lost children of Israel looking for a new home for me and four friends? I blame people from adjacent non-student sections sneaking across the borders with improper documentation in search of a better experience. This is unacceptable.
We need to secure our borders so people can't sneak into the student section - even if said people are willing to do cheers that we aren't. There simply isn't enough room for everyone. Let's solve this problem the American way - by building a fence and maintaining an all volunteer militia that will patrol the unsecured border with orders to shoot on sight.
Once students take their correct seats, I have another suggestion. We should stand on the ground - the area traditionally reserved for standing. I'm all for standing at the games; I'm only suggesting that we don't stand on the eight inch, slippery-when-wet, hard-to-jump-around-on metal seat. I promise we will not lose our street cred, and in addition, maybe people will stop falling on the rows of people in front of them during our hallowed Jump Around.""
The Wave. It is one of my favorite happenings in Camp Randall and a testament to cooperation that routinely brings a tear to my eye. That said, stop doing the wave during key drives. I am disappointed when 30,000 students are more occupied with the series of waves (however impressive they might be) than the game on the field. It's a nice way to cut the boredom that occasionally comes with a blowout, but it is somewhat disheartening to see it supersede the importance of the game on the field.
Moving on, let's talk about student section chants for a minute. We need to get rid of a new one, and (at least) redact an old one. First, the new one. I think we should stop saying ""first-and-10 Wisconsin"" after every first down and change of possession. Why? Because the student section generally says it with all the enthusiasm of a congregation reciting the Lord's Prayer at a 9 a.m. mass. It sounds lethargic and goofy, especially when juxtaposed against the otherwise high energy of Camp Randall. Go ahead and say it after a big first down or a huge interception, but there isn't any reason to continue some mechanical drudgery through a fourth-quarter routing of Northern Illinois or Indiana.
Next, the old one. We need to change the ""Fuck You Eat Shit"" chant. It's not that I'm against vulgarity. In fact, I'm one of its biggest fans. I am, however, against senseless and misguided vulgarity. The chant in question goes back to the days of yore when the student section was divided by class standing. It makes sense for a section of seniors to be hurling insults at a section of freshmen - that is a struggle as old as time.
Now we're all mixed together and that seating arrangement is a thing of the past, as is the relevance of said chant. Now it is just wanton, directionless ill will. How can we fix this? Either concentrate the freshmen together so we can once again insult them collectively, or get a new chant. Maybe, we could even get a chant that is disparaging to the opposing team or its fan base instead of our own.
Lastly, like Johnny Cash, I always remember those who are serving time. I'm talking, of course, about those incarcerated in the temporary holding cell in the north end zone of Camp Randall. Some fans will tell you that football Saturdays in Madison are the most fun one can have without spending a day in jail.
Others know that just isn't the truth. Too much drinking, fighting, rubbish-throwing or inappropriate sexual behavior in the stadium and you'll find yourself in the slammer. These cells are always fully stocked with crying girls, but none are equipped with means of following the game. What kind of university can we be if we don't extend some basic human rights to these political prisoners? Can't we get these poor people a closed circuit TV or a radio? And here I thought waterboarding was inhumane...
Matt Jividen is a senior majoring in history. Please send responses to opinion@dailycardinal.com.
