If you're human, you've been disappointed.
You got rejected by your favorite specimen of your target gender. The only TV show you liked - a Western-style science fiction epic about a priest, a dinosaur lover and a 17-year-old schizophrenic - got canceled after only a few episodes. Or maybe your Dumbledore/Umbridge fan fiction was ruined by the revelation that Albus would much prefer Cornelius Fudge.
The point is you've been there. Down in the doldrums. Alone in the deep, dark well of human misery and pain. Cast off from society, forced to live on the outskirts of emotion equipped with only your guitar and a whiny tone in your voice.
Often, we're judged not by how we handle success, but how we deal with the inevitable let-down. I'm not very much a fan of the Large Numbers"" method. You know how that one goes: ""There are more games in the year. There are more fish in the sea. There are more shows about priests, dinosaur lovers - well, maybe there aren't any more shows like that, but at least there are more shows about schizophrenics.""
My friend tried to use this method when I was upset about Senator Sam Brownback's decision to leave the presidential race. While I was wallowing in despair, my friend came over to cheer me up.
""Never fear,"" he said. ""There's always another tight-assed white man to preach the values of Caucasian supremacy and deliberate ignorance to root for.""
""But Sam was so serious about hatred!"" I replied.
""He didn't just dislike people, he would place poxes upon houses on a daily basis while pronouncing your entire family evil to the core. You just don't get that with anyone else.""
""Well, there's always Colbert to root for.""
So what's my method? Distraction. Instead of concentrating on the things that didn't work out for you, think about what did work.
While the object of my affections may have compared me to a soul-sucking toad, she did complement me on my ability to turn from mild-mannered computer nerd to leering pervert in only two drinks. When weekly entertainment ""Firefly"" was cancelled, I worked off my disappointment by sending a pleasant letter filled with polite meanderings to Fox executives. They congratulated me for my intricate knowledge of rare profanity and thanked me for my time.
The method of distraction doesn't always work. Fans of entertainment know that often times once the magic is lost, it's impossible to recapture again. The cast of ""Firefly"" has moved on to other projects, and watching reruns leaves me empty. The Rolling Stones are old - the reunion tours sound more like lounge shows than rock concerts. And my fan fiction just doesn't work with Flitwick in the romantic role.
Others have developed alternative methods of dealing with disappointment that range from drinking one's sorrows away (this is, in fact, how Madison was founded), to raging at the nearest bystander (popular in New York City) and occasionally the classic steadfast refusal to admit anything bad happened while pretending the good thing occurred (this is the basis of the U. S. government). While these methods may help you deal with the immediate problem, they're unlikely to give you any sort of long-term closure.
So when you get disappointed, buck up. Keep your head held high, think about something else and if all else fails, go out for a drunken night on the town, yelling at other pedestrians while refusing to admit to yourself that, this time, it just didn't go your way.
While Keaton wasn't shocked or upset by the Dumbledore revelation, he IS disappointed that Stephen Colbert is only running in South Carolina. Seriously. If you're going to run, run for real. E-mail him at keatonmiller@wisc.edu.
