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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Sunday, May 05, 2024

The Jock Strap: Your source for satirical sports

After enduring two of the worst losses in Michigan Wolverine football history, head coach Lloyd Carr officially filed his resignation during a press conference Tuesday afternoon. 

 

This decision did not shock the maize and blue faithful, who had been calling for Carr's resignation since UM lost at home to Appalachian State in early September. 

 

Yet, Carr's press conference incited a bit of controversy when he stated his career plans after coaching. 

 

I just signed on to the cast of 'Les Miserables,'"" Carr said. ""I've always loved acting, and I figure if I can't coach football anymore I might as well follow my heart's one true passion."" 

 

Carr went on to explain how, for five consecutive summers, he had played the role of 'Toots' - the jovial pancake chef - in the musical ""The Loudmouth Lumberjack"" at the Upper Peninsula's famed Mackinac Theatre. 

 

""I used the pseudonym, Lloyd Carrmichael so no one would know who I was,"" Carr said, admitting the makeup crew at the theater did ""one hell of a job"" disguising him. 

 

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Carr said he did not know what role he would play in the timeless classic, but he assured reporters he had the ""chops"" to hit the high notes. 

 

According to a reliable source close to Carr, the coach had considered trying out for a revamped version of the musical ""Cats,"" but decided against it at the last moment.  

 

Carr seemed pleased with his decision. 

 

""All these years I've been the grumpy old football coach with no personality to speak of,"" Carr said. ""It feels good to finally show the world who Lloyd Carr really is."" 

 

Michigan players and assistant coaches could not be reached for comment.  

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