Ahhh ... Sin City"" - the place where Elvis, like Wayne Newton, seems to live on into eternity. The town where casinos never close, 3 a.m. buffets are the norm and two German guys used to do tricks with tigers.
Las Vegas might be the only city in America where you can lose your money, your pants and your dignity and come Monday morning not a soul in the country will know about it.
At least that's what they say in the commercials. I've never been there.
Yes, while hundreds of you were caught up in a crazy sex, drugs and football-filled orgy out in Nevada this weekend, I sat on my recliner watching TV.
No offense, but I think I got the better end of the deal.
Instead of dropping loads of quarters into a slot machine or dropping more than that for a fun-filled evening with someone named Candy, I partook in one of the greatest weekends in recent Wisconsin sports history.
For those of you who were out ""Viva-ing"" Las Vegas, here's a recap of what you missed:
We'll skip the Brewer game Friday night, because after watching the Cincinnati Reds slap eight runs on starter Dave Bush in less than two innings, my roommates and I decided to watch ""Snakes on a Plane.""
When Samuel L. had finally disposed of ""every single mother [censored] snake on that mother [censored] plane,"" we turned on mother [censored] ESPN and learned that those mother [censored] Pirates had defeated those mother [censored] Cubs, so we all were pretty mother [censored] happy about that.
Please excuse my mother [censored] French.
Our happiness would only grow Saturday when the Oregon Ducks crushed Michigan and the spirits of Wolverine fans everywhere with their 39-7 victory at the Big House.
I realize that Michigan's non-conference loss technically has nothing to do with Wisconsin sports, but I believe that every time Wolverines' head coach Lloyd Carr scowls, an angel gets its wings.
The fun continued Saturday night as the Brewers battled back from a 3-0 deficit to defeat the Reds, 4-3. Granted earning a come-from-behind victory against the Reds' bullpen closely resembles beating your grandma Gladys in a game of flip-cup, but in a playoff race we'll still take it.
Later in the evening we Badger fans in Madison tuned in to watch the Badgers take on the UNLV Rebels. And while some of you probably didn't have the best seats in the house at Sam Boyd Stadium, at least you can take satisfaction knowing you didn't have to watch the game on the Versus Network.
While the Versus camera operators might excel at filming the annual deer hunting contests, they proved that following any play-action fake is much more difficult than zooming in on a wounded whitetail hobbling through the forest.
UW fans missed a portion of quarterback Tyler Donovan's game-winning touchdown run as the camera followed running back P.J. Hill into the line. Luckily they recovered in time to watch Donovan sprint down the sideline and dive into the end zone.
The Versus announcers didn't fare much better. At one point during the broadcast, the commentator pondered one of life's great mysteries when he questioned why people say an injured player is walking ""gingerly.""
""That's a funny word, isn't it?"" he questioned. Almost as funny as watching football on your network.
Aside from the camera work, the announcing and the horrible flashbacks I kept having to last season's NCAA basketball tournament when (for those of you who were traveling abroad) the Badgers lost to UNLV, it was a great win for Wisconsin.
Not only did the Badgers extend the nation's longest winning streak, but they also showed they can struggle mightily against a marginal Mountain West Conference foe that had won only four games in its previous two seasons, and still get the 'W.'
If that isn't following the 1-0 mentality, I don't know what is.
The Wisconsin sports' magic did not stop Sunday. Rickie Weeks, J.J. Hardy and Ryan Braun tallied back-to-back-to-back home runs to start the rubber match against the Reds.
Weeks and Braun would homer again along with catcher Johnny Estrada as Milwaukee cruised to a 10-5 victory. The Brewers' win coupled with a Cubs' loss put Milwaukee back in first place in the Central Division with only 20 games left to play.
Not to be outdone, the Packers upset the Eagles 16-13 despite not scoring an offensive touchdown. Perhaps, more importantly, quarterback Brett Favre displayed a spark of youthfulness as he completed passes while falling down in the clutches of Eagle linemen.
And to top it all off, the Bears lost to the Chargers.
So let's recap: the Brewers have come back to life, the Badgers have the longest winning streak in college football and the Packers are 1-0 for the first time since 2004.
Alright, so my 48-hour lounge in front of the TV wasn't as good as a two-day, three-night stay in Vegas. But it was still a pretty [censored] good weekend to be a Wisconsin sports fan.
E-mail Ryan your ""Sin City"" stories at reszel@dailycardinal.com.
