Being a college student is great. Who else spend most of their formative years drinking beer and doing as many drugs as the average touring funk band, fumbling through oral presentations and, let's not forget the sweetest plum, working only seven months a year? Hint: Get your answer at the end of this article.
As the sun sets on my college career, I am beginning to realize this lifestyle will probably have to end. However, as old adages sometimes ring true, things are often darkest before the dawn; last night I had an epiphany. I'm pretty sure I can save myself, but I'm afraid the rest of you are screwed.
Here is what the rest of you have to look forward to: New statistics have revealed some troubling data regarding the American workforce. In 2008, the United States will remain the only industrialized country without federally mandated annual vacation time. Countries like France, Germany, Britain and Spain get between 20 and 30 vacation days per annum. This is only the mandated minimum, mind you.
In addition, Americans work more overtime than anyone else. An estimated 40 percent of Americans work at least 50 hours a week, but what do we have to show for it? For the fifth year running, the average household income remained below what it was in 2000. Thank you, George W. Bush.
However, if you make over a million dollars a year, your income has gone up an estimated 26 percent (largely due to the Bush tax cut for the wealthy).
And if you think you'll spend your golden years playing shuffleboard in Bocca, think again. At this point in time, four generations of Americans are working - including an estimated seven percent of those over 75. Another record for the Bush presidency! Plus, with the Social Security crunch, experts suggest this will only increase in the future.
There is no way I'm going to let this happen to me. My plan to preserve my hedonistic, stammering, stuttering, funk-band, vacationing lifestyle is simple. I, Matthew Jividen, will drift aimlessly through life until I'm 35, then I'll become president. Not for the fame, but for the vacation time and the $400,000 a year.
My idol, George W. Bush, may be the worst president of my short life, but he is without question the best vacationer the world has ever seen. While the rest of the country was busy watching Barry Bonds chase Hank Aaron, I was watching the president.
Even while taking the helm of a troubled economy in a nation of 45 million without health care, impotent foreign policy, an unconstitutional DOJ, ground wars in two theatres and a global war on terror, Bush has had the courage to take 426 vacationing days. This is nearly one-fifth of his presidency.
It hasn't always been easy. Whether it was a Maine lobster in his multi-million dollar compound in Kennybunkport, or clearing brush at his Crawford home, Bush has taken it one day at a time (or should I say, one day at a time several weeks in a row). Even when people like Cindy Sheehan have had the nerve to try and interrupt his vacations, he has had the commitment to continue his biking with Lance Armstrong and clearing of brush.
Sure. Bush would have liked to attend the funerals for the 3,774 soldiers who have died in Iraq, but do you have any idea how much brush needs clearing at his ranch? We can hardly blame him for that.
Despite an approval rating below 30 percent, he continues. He needs only 10 more days to defeat Reagan's record, and I just know he can do it. You really must respect his steadfastness at a time when the American job market is so precarious that 33 percent of Americans cannot take any vacation at all. He is courageously vacationing for us all. Still not convinced?
Not only does he hold this record for most vacationing, but he also holds the record for longest presidential vacation in recent history at five weeks. Is he not the greatest?
As for my presidential bid - Elect me and I promise that together, I can break his record. Jividen in 2024!
Matt Jividen is a senior majoring in history. Please send responses to opinion@dailycardinal.com._
