We should be happy, right? The Badgers are 4-0 to start the season. They hold major college football's longest winning streak at 13 games and also possess a top-10 ranking.
They just beat the Iowa Hawkeyes, the only visiting team to win at Camp Randall since October 2003.
Happy days are here again, right?
I don't know. Something about recent gamedays has been giving me a post-tequila shot queasiness.
Maybe it's because we all have to wear red.
Some of you out there probably don't recognize the fear the Red Sea"" campaign has struck into this university. But upon hearing about the all-red agenda, one frightened, white-shirted and admittedly inebriated tailgater paid my roommate $20 for the cardinal-colored Bucky t-shirt he was wearing.
During the second quarter Saturday, I watched in horror as two security guards clubbed an innocent freshman wearing a gray UW-sweatshirt and then proceeded to throw him over the top of the stands to teach all non-red wearing heathens a lesson in gameday fashion.
(Just kidding on that last one. Hold your letters, freshmen mothers.)
All right, so wearing red isn't that big of a deal. We've already got 82,000 people performing choreographed waves and sections of students chanting profanities in unison. We might as well add matching outfits too.
Maybe gameday doesn't feel right because there's a gentleman by the name of Cox heading up a pre-game Breathalyzer system called ""Show and Blow.""
I'm no connoisseur of the adult movie market, but I'm pretty sure they stole the name from a 1979 X-rated flick.
Seriously, ""Show and Blow""? How many hours did they sit around brainstorming ideas before they chose that name?
""Well, Bob, we've narrowed it down to 'Show and Blow,' 'Binge n' Breathe,' 'Come and Puff' or 'Appear Here and Tell us if you've been Drinkin' Beer.'""
""God, Lenny, I sure do like the sound of the last one, but I just don't think the kids will buy it. Let's go with 'Show and Blow.'""
I guess the name ""Show and Blow"" isn't so bad - even if it sounds like a movie you could only watch late at night on Skin-e-max. (Not that I or any other male on campus would ever view such filth.)
So what is it about gameday that makes me reach for that flask I wouldn't dare try to sneak into the stadium for fear of having to show or blow?
Is it the really annoying ""First and 10 Wisconsin"" cheer we, for some unknown reason, decided to highjack from the Golden Gophers and every high school team across the country?
Perhaps.
Or is it because our highly touted Badgers look like a team destined for the Motor City Bowl instead of the Rose Bowl?
I think we have a winner.
Yes, the Badgers have gone ""1-0"" for 13 consecutive games, but let's be honest. So far in 2007, Wisconsin has had first half struggles against a low-level Pac-10 squad and a military school from South Carolina. They needed a last second scamper to defeat UNLV and were one pass away from getting beaten by an Iowa team with a receiving corps more depleted than Ted Kennedy's liquor cabinet after St. Patty's Day.
The struggles frighten me, but the excuses, whether they're from players, fans or media, concern me more.
When The Citadel outplayed the Badgers in the first half, some UW players said the Bulldogs pulled out some new offensive ""wrinkles"" they had never seen before.
Look, I'm sorry if the Netflix DVD UW ordered of The Citadel's 76-0 win over Webber College didn't contain the extended director's cut with those new plays. But when a second-tier school marches up and down the field on you, I think the problem is bigger than a few ""wrinkles.""
In the past few weeks, I've heard fans and pundits describe how it's difficult to prepare for spread offenses. Then I guess it's a good thing the Badgers don't play Purdue or Northwestern this year, because they both use spread attacks. And the last time I checked, Ohio State and Michigan don't run the wishbone or the power-I anymore either.
You don't need to blow teams out to win a Big Ten crown, heck, you can have a few hiccups along the way. Just ask the 1999 Badgers, who dropped consecutive games to Cincinnati and Michigan before running the table and defeating Stanford in Pasadena.
But if Wisconsin wants to get respect as a national power and wants to stand on the same pedestal as programs like USC, Florida, LSU or Texas, they have to step it up a notch.
They have to hit the wide open receiver running down the middle of the field, instead of throwing into double coverage. They have to field their punts cleanly. They have to catch would-be interceptions thrown directly into their hands. They have to prevent visiting receivers from breaking free on fourth and eights with the game on the line.
But even if the Badgers don't make those plays, I'm sure they'll keep finding ways to go 1-0 each week... right?
If you currently feel that the Badgers have not met your lofty expectations, e-mail Ryan at reszel@dailycardinal.com. Also feel free to e-mail him if you have a copy of the 1979 movie ""Show and Blow.
