First off, I would just like to assure everyone that I am OK. My harrowing journey hiking up Bascom Hill did not kill me. Yes, there is a happy ending—but at what cost?
The problems started out when I got to Memorial Union. I noticed many people waiting for the 80 bus. Fear crept into my mind. I thought, This is a lot of people, how ever are we all going to fit?\ But I calmed my nerves and told myself busses are big, it will accommodate.
It didn't accommodate.
All of us at the stop could have fit on the bus, but I did not account for those that were already on the bus. The harsh reality of the situation dawned on me as the door closed.
""The next bus will be here in seven minutes,"" the bus driver cheerfully said. Yes, it will be here in seven minutes, but by that point I'll have died of boredom.
I knew what I needed to do—I needed to make the excruciating trek to the Social Science building on foot. For those aspiring cartographers out there, that's a 300-yard excursion over Mount Doom (or as I like to call it ""Bascom Hill""). How I would ever survive this journey of absolute pain, I did not know.
Based on my intense knowledge of ""Lord of the Rings"" and ""Wizard of Oz,"" I knew to survive any voyage ,a group is required. I quickly set about constructing my fellowship. A conveniently passing robot could serve as my Tin Man. I also happened to have my bow and arrow handy, which I gave to a nearby 6-year-old girl so I'd have an Orlando Bloom.
The first test of the fellowship arose when ""Orlando's"" mom accused me of ""kidnapping"" her ""daughter."" I did pursue all legal resources possible, but in the end I lost my battle. I didn't lose heart—Frodo experienced setbacks with his group and I knew it was all part of the journey.
The depleted gang began its walk up the hill. By the time we passed College Library, I figured we had worked hard enough to take a brief rest-break. Yes, we had earned it, but I also knew that what lay ahead of us would test all of our mettle and might.
With the completion of our break, we started walking again. And walking. And walking. All the walking made it seem like we actually were in ""Lord of the Rings""—a journey that might have been easier to accomplish than what we hoped to overcome.
Finally, after what seemed like many moons, I arrived at Social Science completely exhausted. I was the sole survivor of the group—my robot having perished after I knifed him for not carrying me. Samwise would have carried me, because he actually has a heart … stupid robot.
However, the most important thing is, I did complete the journey. It's entirely possible to walk up Bascom Hill, and make it to classes within an acceptable amount of time. The 80 bus does not need to crowd up with everyone wanting to ride less than four football fields.
Yes, it is nice that the resource of bus 80 exists, but it's also nice to enjoy a good walk up Bascom every once in a while, especially if you can convince a robot to carry you.
If you know of a robot that can follow orders, tell Kevin about it at KevinNelson@wisc.edu.
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