Huzzah! Hearty congratulations are in order for the superior athletes of The Daily Cardinal, as they vanquished their arch rival The Badger Herald by a score of 8 to 6 in a most sportsmanlike softball match Friday.
Plans had been underway at the Cardinal for weeks to give its upstart foe a what's-for. The clouds overhead were ominous indeed on that April afternoon, but any fear of rain was dashed as surely as were the Herald's chances of a win.
Game highlights include Cardinal City News Editor John Leppanen's three-run homer in the second inning. Similar credit must be given to the heroic deeds of outgoing Sports Editor Jon McNamara and incoming Sports Editor Adam Hoge, who kept the mercenary Herald team at bay with their impeccable work in the outfield, each preventing a Herald run with characteristic gusto.
The ever-formidable Cardinals took an early 5-0 lead until the Herald rogues managed to close the deficit and tie the match before the sixth-oldest campus newspaper in the country pulled ahead once more. Cardinal Editor in Chief Emily Winter explained the secret of the Herald's temporary comeback.
The Herald's game really improved once we let them use a tee,\ she said.
The Cardinal Ten were treated to the comic follies of Herald Editor in Chief Mac VerStandig, as he was beaned with the first pitch lobbed at him and given a free pass to first base out of pity. VerStandig continued a less-than-stellar performance by later being thrown out at third by Cardinal Arts Editor and man-about-town Dan Wohl.
""He probably could've made it to third,"" Cardinal Sports Editor Sam Pepper said. ""But he insisted on lighting up a cigar and having his picture taken before running.""
Shannon Van Curen of the Herald's so-called lineup pulled perhaps the boner of the game at the bottom of the final inning by taking a 3-2 pitch with two outs and the tying run on base. Softball experts from around this great nation of ours are dumbfounded by the decision, but were not surprised at the Herald's capacity for such egregious flubs.
Many famous faces about the town showed up to witness the haughty Herald staffers receive their druthers, including Ald. Austin King, District 8, and Mayor Dave Cieslewicz, who threw the game's first pitch. Thor, the Norse god of thunder, was present as well.
""By the bristling beard of Odin!"" Thor said. ""Never before hath mine eyes witnessed a victory so righteous as the one yon paper claimed over thy wastrel opponents!""
When asked the secret of the Cardinal's inevitable victory, Managing Editor Laura-Claire Corson offered one possible theory.
""I know that we had three kegs [of spirits for imbibing], and they only had one,"" Corson said.
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