The Badger Baloney is obviously fake news—merely a satirical commentary on life in Madison. Except in the case of public figures, the people are not real.
When Kathy Anderson started at the UW – Madison, she had big dreams. She was going to meet a nice guy, graduate college, find a great job, move into that perfect little house and have beautiful children. Like so many people of her generation, that dream was cut tragically short. The 19-year-old freshman lost the battle with her weight.
Anderson hailed from the small Wisconsin town of Mayville and spent many high schools nights thinking about the big city of Madison. Its tall buildings, diverse people and cosmopolitan culture would be the perfect place for her to start anew. Even though she was the young and beautiful head cheerleader at Mayville High School, she knew that life had much more in store for her.
Kathy was so bright and friendly,\ said her mother Nancy Anderson. ""She got so much out everything she did.""
It was that impulse to take in everything that got Kathy in trouble. Moving to Madison may have been her biggest dream, but it also turned out to be her biggest danger. Newcomers to Madison can be blissfully unaware of the perils that lurk deep below the surface of its big city lights and big city nights.
Anderson quickly became engrossed in the fast-paced lifestyle of a Madisonian.
In the early weeks of the fall semester she found that it was easy to keep the attention of the big city boys with her rural charm, but eight months and 30 pounds later Anderson could no longer hold sway over the opposite sex.
""Kathy was smoking hot back in September,"" said fellow Witte 10B floormate Carlos Diaz. ""But I've been seeing less and less of her since.""
If this were just one tale of a first year college student losing her battle with weight then it would be sad and disappointing, but every freshman class brings with it dozens if not hundreds of these truly tragic stories. Newly minted college students, ignorant of the world around them, take in food and alcohol as if it were going out of style. The results are disastrous as these youngsters, male and female, fall prey to the pounds that this lifestyle brings.
While such a gluttonous lifestyle may throttle UW-Madison into the number one party school ranking, the damage it does to its freshman student population is nearly incalculable. Such close proximity to dozens of house parties on any given Friday night is one blow to the healthy freshman, but the real destruction is done in the booths of Pop's Club or Carson's Carryout. A steady trickle of ""Eighteen Wheelers"" or ""Juston Sticks"" is enough to undo the most stubborn of health regimens.
""Oh... God... it's... just... so... good,"" said freshman Richard Watkins. ""Mmmmm...buuuurrrrrrrp!""
Online content:
http://uwbadgerblog.blogspot.com.\
