It's about that time of year again, when you and five other strangers in your class realize you only have a week before your group project is due.
During a complicated series of e-mails rather then over the phone, your group decides to inconveniently meet late on Sunday night during Family Guy.\
Walking to the meeting, you chuckle to yourself when you recall that in high school, you tried doing all the group work yourself because you knew what caliber of work you could accomplish. Now you just don't give a rip and realize that grades based on curves are disastrous to everyone except the borderline psychotics who drink two pots of coffee a day and secretly have a blow-up mattress stashed in the stacks of Memorial Library where they study 24/7 (you know who you are).
If you were ambitious enough to already learn the names of your group members, you are leaps and bounds ahead of others. While the four of you wait patiently at the library idly chatting about whether or not the men's hockey team will win the Frozen Four, Ted, who you have already pre-judged to be the laziest person in the group, shows up seven minutes late. Not wanting Ted to out-trump her, Natasha strolls into the meeting sipping a grande, low-fat, no whip, white-chocolate mocha from Starbucks nearly 11 minutes late.
The meeting begins, and inevitably half of the members have not even glanced over the extensive directions for the assignment. After studying the directions, printed nearly three months ago by Emily, the overachieving group-hound, you suggest breaking up the questions for each person so you can get the hell outta there.
Thinking the process will be democratic in nature, you are shocked when everyone is fighting for themselves as if a round of Hungry Hungry Hippos had commenced. Being slow on the draw, you are paired to work with Emily, who you will come to loathe even more within the next week.
Only 10 minutes after the meeting starts, everyone is eager to leave after you agreed to meet the day before it's due, ""same time, same place."" Wondering why you couldn't have just been assigned questions to work on over the phone and avoid the typical ""preliminary meeting,"" you grumpily storm home to watch your TiVoed episode of ""Family Guy.""
While working half-heartedly on the questions and watching ""Family Guy,"" you realize that any work you actually complete will just be overdone by Emily anyway. Calling it quits nearly before you begin, you get some well-needed rest for the hangover created by too many Long Islands at the Red Shed the night before.
At the second and final meeting, everyone is convinced they were the only one that did anything of value. Your bluff is called when somebody realizes that you actually haven't done jack. In an attempt to save face and your grade, you volunteer to be the editor and stay up until 4 a.m. combining and correcting everyone's work.
Around 4 a.m. in Memorial Library while sipping down your second pot of coffee, you finally finish the group project and pack up your blow-up mattress. Knowing you could have avoided this catastrophe by doing your work earlier, you realize you have come full circle since high school and are doing all the work again, then head home to watch more ""Family Guy"" (You really like that ""Family Guy"").
E-mail Jon to discuss the trend of dressing up to go to College Library at jwsteffen@wisc.edu.
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