Hunziker Like the Wolf
After writing a few dozen album reviews, an Arts writer can find themselves stuck in a creative rut. In the interest of pushing the boundaries of music criticism and pretension forward, allow me to present the following genre exercise —a review of the Arctic Monkeys' Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not as:
A communist doctrine
With Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, the four proletarians of Arctic Monkeys have labored in union to produce a work steeped in the tensions of class struggle and the imminent collapse of capitalism. The album's title, an obvious reference to the psychological alienation experienced by the modern wage laborer, paves the way for the group's nods to such precursors as the Marxist post-punk act Gang of Four and the massively opiate-addicted The Libertines.
On I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor,\ the lyrical references to ""dirty dance floors"" and ""a robot from 1984"" serve as pointed criticisms of the poor living conditions of the urban set and the way the assembly line turns people to machines in an Orwellian nightmare world. ""From the Ritz to the Rubble"" predicts the ruin of the brutal and exploitive bourgeoisie, here personified by a violent, totalitarian ""bouncer."" The band addresses the idea of access to the means of production directly, even going so far as to specifically implicate the ""producers"" by name. These men, Jim Abbiss and Alan Smyth, are apparently the ones who have stolen control of the finished product from the toiling hands that worked to create it.
A Prescription Drug Label
Directions: Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, a product of the Domino Recording Company, should be used in conjunction with moments of perceived mental well-being and above-average heart rate. In such situations, the product can induce rhythmic head movement and feelings of exuberance.
Consult a record store before purchasing product if you have not yet been exposed to Bloc Party, Franz Ferdinand or other post-punk revivalists.
Warning: This product may cause strong feelings of déjà vu associated with older, superior brands and a desire to assault overzealous club security personnel. Product is not meant to be used more than once every few days and not regularly for more than a month.
Contains: Alex Turner, Jamie Cook, Andy Nicholson, Matt Helders.
A patriotic beer commercial
In the troubled times facing our country, it's important to reach out to our friends abroad in the spirit of camaraderie and the American tradition of heartfelt cooperation. Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not is an English import that's familiar, yet fresh. Smooth enough that it won't offend the traditional sensibilities of your conservative friends and relatives, but bold enough for those looking for something new. These Monkeys are smart, but not intimidating, aggressive but not abrasive, with a polished finish that goes down well on both sides of the Atlantic. So remember: whichever national anthem you're singing, there's no better way to do it than with your ""Dancing Shoes"" on, and no better time than ""When the Sun Goes Down."" For America.
A fragmented conversation between characters on ABC's ""Lost""
Jack: ...mostly disco drums and Franz Ferdinand-like guitar riffs. The tail end sounds more like The Libertines....
Locke: The ""tailees""? It's a miracle any of them survived.
Jack: No, Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not. Charlie, you know the guy from ""Lord of the Rings"" was using the computer and got the album off the NME website ... had to take it from him when all The Libertines references kept reminding him of heroin.
Locke: Didn't we throw out all those drug-filled statues nine episodes ago?
Jack: I don't know. I don't follow the plot on Primetime. I'm waiting for the Season 2 DVD. Anyway, the song ""Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured"" sounds kind of tossed off.
Locke: I thought red light meant we needed to push the button again.
Jack: Sorry, no idea. When's the DVD out again?
Think Matt is insane? Well, he is. Contact him at hunziker@wisc.edu.\
