The Badger Baloney is obviously fake news—merely a satirical commentary on life in Madison. Except in the case of public figures, the people are not real.
It is the gotta-have item of the year. On campuses across the nation their numbers increase exponentially and the U of W–Madison is no different. Ask your average college student what the definition of cool\ is and they'll have just one answer: the Apple iPod. The iPod is more than just a portable music player and cultural icon; it is quickly becoming the easiest and hippest way to ignore the homeless.
Any walk down State Street is not complete without an encounter with one or more persons asking for a ""moment of your time"" which will inevitably lead to the following inquiry: ""Can you spare some change?"" Whether from coffee house to class or vice versa this uncomfortable situation is almost unavoidable.
Since the iPod revolution began nearly five years ago, college students have been at the forefront of cool while simultaneously avoiding the pleas of the downtrodden. The tiny, white buds, plugged into thousands of ears in Madison have one clear message: ""I have $300, but not fifty cents.""
""I got my first iPod for Christmas two years ago and it was totally awesome,"" said junior Tyler Campbell. ""When the video iPod came out I just had to upgrade. I wasn't about to get left behind.""
But left behind is what has happened to the dozens, if not hundreds, of less fortunate individuals who canvas Madison's pedestrian mall each and every day trying to scrape together enough money for a cup of coffee or a simple bite to eat. Believe it or not, a whole day's panhandling may not even equal one download off of Apple's popular iTunes music store.
It is the tragic tale of the haves and the have-nots of our society with many lacking regular access to such basic needs as food, clothing and shelter moving alongside such extravagances as Starbuck's venti caramel macchiatos, Ugg boots and, of course, the iPod.
Plug in those crisp, white earbuds and transport yourself to a utopian world where the Black Eyed Peas always ""Pump It"" and John Mayer thinks ""Your Body is a Wonderland."" The soft touch of your index finger carries the volume bar slowly to the right, easily drowning out the painful requests for the content of your pockets. Ignoring the homeless has never been so technologically advanced or tragically hip.
""For 20-something college students, the iPod has become the ultimate status symbol,"" said DoIT technology expert Karen Tremlett. ""For the homeless, nothing has been more devastating to their already impoverished state.""
The deeper the iPod reaches into the UW students' lifestyle the more shallow each of their pockets seems to become. A dollar here and a dollar there to the scores of the less fortunate becomes too expensive a price to pay when who knows when Apple may release a newer, more advanced version of their industry-leading MP3 player.
Cutting edge, fashionable and utterly oblivious to the terribly depressing plight of those around himself or herself, the college student marches to and from class with head held high, volume turned up and not a care in the world except for maybe one thing: ""What's next on the playlist?""
Online content: http://uwbadgerblog.blogspot.com.\
