Whether it be Richard Gere and a lucky rodent, or Al Pacino taking on a role in 'S1m0ne' (see also 'Gigli,' 'Two for the Money'), people do some crazy things. The same can be said in the world of sports.
Fans of the No. 4 Wildcats recently stormed the Pavilion hardwood after beating a team ranked three spots above them. Knicks president of operations and well-known corporate cancer, Isaiah Thomas is looking into teaming Starbury with Stevie Franchise in the Garden backcourt (there might be records set for fewest passes per game when the duo teams up with Jalen Rose). Gary Payton had a son named Gary Payton Jr., followed by a son who was named Gary Payton II. Gary Payton II was born four months after Junior. Interesting Glove...
But a certain choice by a certain Xtreme multi-millionaire seems to have been forgotten.
Feb. 3 came and went, and not a word was uttered. Usually five-year anniversaries are treasured and set aside as a time of remembrance for something special. I guess the anniversary of the Xtreme Football League failed to make the cut.
I don't know what is more suspect: professional wrestling don Vince McMahon's idea that a league with worse players and less rules would be fun to watch, or the fact that on the coldest day of the year in the metropolitan area, four friends and I thought it would be a good plan to head out to East Rutherford, N.J., to catch the home opener of the NY/NJ Hitmen.
We should have been wary right from the start. You see, the '/' between the 'Y' and the second 'N' is never a good sign. Teams know where their bread is buttered. The Jets and the Giants might play nine miles away from Times Square, but they still sport the 'NY' on their helmets. The only team with the '/' is the Metrostars, and NY sports bars just rave about Tim Regan and Taylor Graham on a daily basis.
You have got to the NJ out all together. The only good things to come out of the Armpit of America are Shaquille O'Neal, Dave Thomas, Harold Lee and Kumar Patel. Oh yeah, and Marci Pepper. Love you mom.
The XFL starts off with a bang. The NFL decides possession by a coin flip in the beginning of the game, but that is not Xtreme enough for McMahon. What was, you ask? How about rolling a football and having two guys race for it? How does that work out?
On opening night, broadcast live on national television, before the game between the Orlando Rage and the Chicago Enforcers, a player separated his shoulder diving for the loose pigskin. Right off the bat, McMahon was probably wishing he could, like Gere's gerbil, find a place nice and dark to hide.
Frigid couldn't begin to describe the weather that day. In the packed arena, people were pouring hot chocolate on their hands. Even the cheerleaders were wearing coats, no joke.
The game itself was a thrilling match of ineptitude. Remember when Temple came to Camp Randall? Imagine its scout team going at it with the guys that didn't make the final cut. Though the Hitmen fell 19-12, the star of the game had to be Mike Archie, the one-time Houston Oiler/Tennesee Titan running back who picked up two one-yard touchdowns in a losing effort. While in the NFL, Archie 'played' in three seasons racking up 24 yards on the ground and 25 through the air. Records show he reached the end zone once, though. I sure hope he danced.
A miracle in the Meadowlands it was not. Though Hitmen scouts probably looked at the highlights of that famous Jet comeback against the Dolphins and thought Jumbo Elliot might make a fine wide receiver.
At the end of the day, with our quintet wisely staying until the fourth quarter timer had expired, there was no sense of accomplishment, no sense of pride. We had just essentially watched low-class pee-wee football in a meat freezer for three hours'and to boot, the cheerleaders were far from scantily clad.
While one-time Steeler starting quarterback Tommy Maddox, the XFL's MVP, and Rod 'He Hate Me' Smart emerged to the professional ranks, the XFL really didn't produce much. It was trashed after one season, leaving UPN and NBC with open time slots ... although it's rumored that many viewers preferred watching reruns of 'Moesha' instead of McMahon's debacle.
While McMahon's choice of pursuing this endeavor ranks up there with his of turning his back on Stone Cold Steve Austin, it is only proper for me to acknowledge the five-year mark. So happy big five XFL. Now, I'd like a refund ASAP.
