There has been much hullabaloo lately over the steady decline in movie theater attendance numbers, as it seems the majority of moviegoers prefer to pop in a DVD and lounge around at home instead.
This shouldn't be much of a surprise: Why trek to the multiplex and contend with screaming children and loquacious teenagers when you can simply add a movie to your Netflix queue?
Of course, the clueless Motion Picture Association of America blames it on illegal home downloading, thereby choosing to continue its historical tradition of endlessly bitching about technological improvements, instead of proposing innovations to keep up with them. It's a question of old-fashioned product differentiation, and with a few upgrades and some reform, movie theaters can lure people back again.
It's clear by now that everybody hates people who talk during movies, and even though it doesn't consistently happen, a single instance of it can sour someone's impression of movie theaters. I live in a tiny little apartment with three other guys, and successfully watching a movie there is damn near impossible (in fact, I watch mostly foreign films at home because I can at least read what's going on).
Aside from the fact that it's the most authentic way to experience a film, the main reason I go to the theater is to escape the distractions and noise at home. And when some douchebag thinks nothing of answering his cell phone or bringing his restless kid along to piss and moan and kick, it's truly infuriating.
I can even remember some marred theatrical experiences better than the movies themselves; the loudmouth bitch who kept reciting lines of dialogue right before they occurred in 'Kingpin' is etched in my memory, and I couldn't even hear any of 'Evolution' because a veritable clan of hormonal gossip queens behind me insisted on repeatedly kicking my seat and excitedly gabbing about their unrequited love for Bobby, the hot-shit senior quarterback. After about the 200th 'like' and 'oh my God,' I turned around and curtly requested that they 'shut the hell up.' This worked, but it was too little too late, and to this day, I remember more details about Bobby the hot-shit senior quarterback than any of the supposedly comical events from 'Evolution.'
But really, it's not only kids that cause all the problems. On Friday, I saw 'Mrs. Henderson Presents,' the new Judi Dench film, and some guy decided to snore through the whole movie. Apparently Dench's ample shenanigans were not sufficient enough to engross this particular spectator, and I couldn't hear half of her repartee with Bob Hoskins over this guy's nap. Also, with the 70- to 90-year-olds in the audience, I'm pretty sure I smelled at least one colostomy bag deposit. In other words, there's always a distraction of some sort when other people are around, and sometimes you just can't let it bother you.
Seeing a movie with an audience can have its advantages, too. Comedies and shocking horror movies/thrillers make for a superior experience in the theater than at home, as those types of films can be much more entertaining when everybody else is chortling or gasping at choice moments. I fondly remember seeing 'Hostel' in my small hometown theater when a girl screamed and puked in reaction to an especially grisly scene, and a screening of 'Oldboy' with an 'oohing' and 'ahhing' Times Square crowd was extremely fun. Going to a movie at the theater can be a priceless collective experience, something the biggest plasma-screen TV or most bitchin' surround sound system will never replace.
So instead of pissing away money on 'hip' anti-piracy commercials with teary stuntmen or condescending modus ponens arguments ('You wouldn't steal a car, you wouldn't steal a DVD, piracy is stealing, stealing is against the law, don't download movies illegally!'), the MPAA should focus its energy on modernizing theaters. Take a page from the large-scale theatrical renovations of the 1920s (after people got sick of nickelodeons) or the aspect ratio fine-tuning of the 1950s (after television arrived) and directly improve the auditorium itself'from better seating to enhanced projection to food delivery, the options are endless.
Enact measures that differentiate theatrical viewing from home viewing and address pressing concerns: limit annoying pre-show commercials, get more aggressive in dealing with obnoxious people, re-release classics during times when nothing of quality is playing ... the list goes on. Once theater owners justify those skyrocketing prices through whatever means necessary, it's just a matter of time before people come back.
