One member of the Delta Delta Delta sorority and another from Delta Gamma were put to sleep following testing positive for a sexually transmitted disease.
Doctors at University Health Services reported that two females, ages 21 and 22, were infected with genital herpes. Their names have not been released due to parental-notification policies. Having been prescribed several antivirals to help reduce the appearance of the infection, the doctors also recommended heavy doses of rest. Medical personnel are working to contain the spread of the highly infectious STD.
'What we're dealing with here is a very dangerous sexually transmitted disease,' said Dr. Stanley Gupta of the UW'Madison Medical School. 'Clearly these poor girls were not practicing safety in sexual contact and, from what I hear, really get around.'
Health officials working in conjunction with the university said the two females may have been infected by the same partner, although they are not ruling out multiple instances in which they couldn't keep their legs closed. Herpes, one of the most common STDs in the United States and worldwide'??up to 25 percent of the population'is even higher for hoes.
'We are very concerned the discovery of herpes simplex, as it is known in medical circles, on our campus,' Chancellor John Wiley said in a press release. 'The university will fully cooperate in every effort to remove this threat to our slutty students.'
University officials and student leaders from the Greek community are educating regular students and members of the fraternity and sorority on campus in order to contain what is a highly contagious virus for whores and man-whores alike.
Using highly graphic pictures, like the ones that made sixth graders skip lunch after health class, campus leaders are hoping to deter unsafe and what only can be described as just plain stupid practices of unsafe sexual intercourse.
'The first-time outbreak of herpes often starts with painful itchy blisters on the penis or on the vulva. The blisters rupture and turn into oozing shallow sores that take up to three weeks to heal,' said Dr. Gupta. 'Pretty freaking gross, kids.'
Returning to the two students infected, Dr. Gupta said they will remain in quarantine to ensure they don't get 'their nasty parts all over other people.'
At this point, university officials said they had no plans to ban sexual intercourse on campus to prevent future STD outbreaks, but reserved the right to do so if the situation continues to escalate.
Earlier this week, two horses boarded at the Hoofer Riding Club's barn contracted the neurological form of herpes, called equine herpes virus-1. Both human and animal doctors have said they do not believe the two ladies were in sexual contact with the horses. Both parties conceded it would be pretty hilarious if that did happen.
'We believe this case to be a purely herpes-infected-player-to-easily-seduced-non-questioning-of-shady-past-ho-bag encounter,' Dr. Gupta said.
While currently there is no cure for the herpes virus, scientists around the world are working to find one in the hopes that if they ever get laid they will not be burdened with the fear of herpes.
