Remember kindergarten story time? It wasn't just a chance to slack off but a life lesson taught by a tenacious locomotive or a gluttonous caterpillar. Every story had a moral.
But now times have changed, and all we get are the details. This team beat the other, this catastrophe happened somewhere and someone got all adorable (and foolish) again.
\Always do your best"" is replaced by ""know the right people."" ""Cheaters only cheat themselves"" has the ending ""only if they're caught."" Even ""it's what's on the inside that counts"" has been replaced by ""oh, booooobs!"" So I did my best and found/made up a couple of stories that keep you reading, provide a moral and maybe, just maybe, make you think, ""Interesting, if I do say so myself.""
Story No. 1
Once upon a time, in a far-off wintry country, there lived a rebellious young sparrow. When winter approached and other sparrows flew south, the young sparrow decided to ditch them and stay. Soon, winter came and the little sparrow got colder and colder. When he realized he would freeze to death staying where he was, he attempted to head south.
It was so cold, however, that ice formed on his wings, and he fell frozen to the earth, landing in a farmyard. A cow passed through the yard and, with hardly a second glance, took a dump right on top of the little sparrow-cicle. Initially, the sparrow thought he would suffocate, but instead found himself warmed back to life.
Comfortable, happy and able to breathe, the young bird began to sing. Just then, a passing cat, hearing the joyful singing, dug through the cow pie, found the happy bird and ate him.
There are three morals of this story:
First: Anyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
Second: Anyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
And third: If you are happy and warm in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.
Story No. 2
Once upon a time, a horse and a chicken were walking in the farmyard. All of a sudden, the horse fell into a giant hole.
""Chicken!"" he yelled. ""You must help me! Go get the farmer!""
The chicken ran back to the house to find the farmer, but when she got there, the farmer was nowhere to be found. She was, however, able to find the keys to the farmer's red Corvette. So the chicken drove the Corvette back to the hole and lowered some rope down to the horse. The horse grabbed it with his teeth, and the chicken attached the other end to the car and pulled the horse out.
The next day, the horse and the chicken were again out walking when the chicken fell into the exact same hole.
She screamed ""Horse! You must help me! Go get the farmer's Corvette!""
The horse replied, ""I have a better idea,"" and he lowered his enormous penis into the hole.
The chicken grabbed on, and he pulled her out.
The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a red Corvette to pick up chicks.
Now it's easy to just pass these tales off as childish or meaningless. But I dare you, just sit back and consider the lessons learned. Could we all not learn from the sparrow's misfortune? Doesn't the second story convey more than one example of the unfortunate value people place on objects? Doesn't the word ""penis"" in print make you rather uncomfortable? Interesting, if I do say so myself.
