Several weeks ago, a group of guys in my apartment building hosted an '80s party. Being astute, profit-maximizing capitalists, they publicized the shindig via the facebook, easily the campus' most authoritative, information/casual' stalking resource. By 10:30 p.m., our lobby was consumed by dozens of jean-jacket clad freshmen (some wrapped by legwarmers produced before they were born) and a couple of confused frat guys who didn't receive the retro memo.
Unfortunately, the night didn't end well; though revenues were made, sobriety wasn't the only thing missing. Apparently, a few revelers, in their zeal for souvenirs, stole a few items from the bedrooms and bathrooms. But then things went all 1984 on these thieves; not only were their actions caught on the security camera, but after matching faces with facebook portraits, the perpetrators' profiles yielded their names, addresses and home phone numbers. Up in heaven, George Orwell is weeping.
Lori Berquam's facebook profile isn't nearly as revealing. When I received word that the interim dean of students was on the facebook, I used my friend's account (not having one of my own) and discovered that, sadly, 'Lori has no friends at Wisconsin.' The wall on her page is blank, as if to implore the teacher to leave those kids alone. Was university administration playing Big Brother, scrutinizing student activity in order to reform America's number one party school? I had to find out.
High above, George Orwell applauds vigorously.
'I've got to have some integrity as a professional,' Berquam explained as we sat in her office. 'I have to do something, and the facebook is very popular with some students, and I use it as a venue to have a communication.'
Berquam recalled meeting with a student who was disciplined several times for underage drinking. She accessed his facebook profile, which showed the 18-year-old lying in vomit. She then asked him if he thought his behavior was healthy.
'Yeah, I've used the facebook,' Berquam said. 'I don't think it's monitoring [students]; I think it assists us in an intervention. Do you think I have time to monitor the facebook'?
I wasn't fully convinced until Berquam showed me one of her highly-publicized detox reports. I scanned the first page and read the police officer's comments: 'Incoherent and violent'; 'Displays suicidal tendencies'; 'Urinated on self.'
Notwithstanding those individuals who were drugged, these students willingly consumed near-fatal quantities of alcohol. It seemed so pointless.
I believe it's our own responsibility to understand our limits and our tolerances; after speaking with Berquam, I'm convinced she doesn't want to stop us from having a good time. She wants to prevent students from drinking themselves to death.
'How is this enjoying alcohol'? Berquam asked, pointing to the sheet.
You may disagree with Berquam's regard of the facebook as an open and public forum, but I applaud her motives. After entering college with a near puritanical disdain for beer, I've since matured and loosened up enough to appreciate a Leinie with my Friday fish fry. Likewise, some of my buddies have grown from flip-cup failures into responsible drinkers. Enjoy Halloween in Madison (especially if it's your first), but look out for each other.
Even George Orwell, the great soothsayer, can't predict this weekend's madness.
