The Diesel, as Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal is more affectionately known, added to his illustrious Hall of Fame credentials this week. He made an arrest. That's right, an arrest.
At about 3 a.m. Sunday, O'Neal, who is training to become a Miami Beach reserve officer, spotted an 18-year-old male who harassed, then threw a bottle at a gay couple. O'Neal, who happened to be driving behind the suspect, followed the man and called in backup to help with the apprehension.
It's at this point I would just like to express that I would not want to be on the business end of a Shaq-led arrest. Think about it. There is no such thing as a outine"" traffic stop when Shaq is involved. Getting pulled over is bad in itself, but when a man who is a biscuit shy of weighing in at 350 lbs., measures 7-feet-1 inches on a ruler and 8.5 on a Richter scale is on the job, it's awful
Really though, how cool is this? I mean, come on. We live in a world where sports figures commonly beat people up, arrange for drug deals on cell phones and even hold their friends ganja in their bookbag ('Melo, come on man. Get a better excuse). And now America has a superstar on it's own side.
Maybe what the sports-centered youth of America needs are pros willing to play the good guy. Now, I'll leave the debate as to whether sports figures should be role models to better-qualified people like Charles Barkley and Nike ad reps, but it's tough to deny that this is, at the very least, refreshing news.
O'Neal, who trained to become a Los Angeles reserve cop when he was with the Lakers, seems to be dedicated to the idea of law enforcement.
O'Neal has stated he'd like to be a police chief or county sheriff in his life after basketball. Now, to me this sounds like a very entertaining reality series. If VH1 can put Jose Canseco on whatever show he's on and NBC can trot out Donald Trump's toupee every week, Shaq can have his own show. Hell, Bill Walton could be the voice-over guy and say, ""He's the best pencil pusher in all of district five!""
Now, when I get an idea I run with it. It's not the best policy, but then, I'm a reckless man. I've run some preliminary numbers and shuffled some surveys around, and I think I've found the title that tested the best. Get this: ""SHAQ: Miami Heat.""
OK, I guess I'll leave the title-making to the Fox execs. At least I didn't come up with ""KAZAAM!""
It got me thinking, however. There are a few ex-pro athletes I wouldn't want to deal with. Getting pulled over by ex-Utah Jazz point guard John Stockton, for example, would be considerably awkward.
""What seems to be the problem officer, besides the fact that your shorts are too short to hold in your business?""
Well, maybe Shaq should be the exception, not the rule.
Connor is a junior still exploring all the options UW has to offer. He can be reached for comment at cgmcknight@wisc.edu
