It doesn't take a lot to distract me. It takes even less to get me angry. Tuesday in my econ lecture I found something that did both.
Having given up on understanding the concept of elasticity of demand and being unable to read any of my professor's writing, I turned my attention to a newspaper lying on the floor next to my seat. As I perused the content of the page, I stumbled across an article titled, \Food industry fights losing battle for unhealthy fries.""
I was shocked. According to the article, french fries are under attack from the Attorney General of California, who is attempting to label all fries with a warning that they may cause cancer. As if that wasn't enough, the article went on to lambaste all things fried. Accusing them of being, get this, DANGEROUS! As if I didn't have enough to worry about in my life, now I have to worry that my favorite fast food side dish is going to kill me.
After some serious consideration, I decided I wasn't going to let french fries take such a bad rap. Besides, what does California know? Sure, it's good at some things. When it comes to singing raisins, suntans and angst-filled teen drama (i.e. Laguna Beach and The O.C.), California is heads and shoulders above the rest. But this food regulation business, they should leave that alone.
French fries are an American tradition. If I'm not mistaken, there is a Constitutional provision providing us the right to eat them. It says, ""All citizens, should they see fit, shall be obliged to submerge their potatoes into vats of grease for the purpose of enhancing their fast food dining experience."" (Congress later amended this include the ""Right to Super size or add a Biggie drink."" I believe this came at the bequest of William Taft, whom scholars widely agree was our fattest president.
And when you consider the impact fries have on this country it's no wonder the Founding Fathers were so concerned about our french fry rights. Just imagine what would happen if fries were outlawed in this country.
First, this would lead to a massive weight loss across the country. This might seem good at first, but the weight loss will decrease the amount of time Americans spend sitting on their couches. This hurts the furniture industry.
Once off the couch, these Americans will want to go somewhere, so they'll have to drive. More people on the road means an increased demand for gas, which makes the price of crude oil go up. (I told you I was sitting in econ when I read the story. I guess it rubbed off.) Not to mention the impact it will have on the hole in the ozone and the subsequent melting of the polar ice caps. Before you know it, it's ""The Day After Tomorrow"" and we're all stuck in College Library under a sheet of ice with only carrots and raisins to eat.
Well, I'm not about to sit by and let that happen. So I urge you, my fellow Americans, don't let the fear-mongering anti-fry movement have its way. Take up the cause. Eat fries or die. Or should I say eat fries and die? Either way, it's your patriotic duty.
Are you concerned about the future of french fries? Write your Congressperson. Or just email Joe, he's not nearly as busy:jphasler@wisc.edu.
