His breathing was so hard it was like watching someone drown a pit bull. The thrashing, the spastic jerks of the legs, the gasping. It was painful to watch, but I could not take my eyes away. How could I? It would be missing history, missing the weaving of the fabric of my youth. What could I possibly be watching on an otherwise normal Sunday night that made my masochistic tendencies go into overdrive?
A comeback performance from none other than Mr. MC Hammer. The pop-rap icon whose name reminds people of a thousand words like the perfect Rorschach test: parachute pants and bankruptcy being the first two for me. There he was, on stage at an award show in Miami, singing and dancing for people who couldn't appreciate his first go around because they were too young or too busy being successful in their own right. Decked out in silver metallic pants and shiny jewelry, he performed his hits and received a thunderous applause.
Yes, MC, the inspiration for this very column and purveyor of Bartlett's worthy quotations like \if you can't groove to this then you probably are dead"" has clawed his way back from the flames of failure to resurface on an awards show. He is a true hero to all of us. You may be sitting in your lecture hall asking me why? Per the request of my 10th grade math teacher, I am showing my work on this one to illustrate it.
MC Hammer was almost invisible. He was a proverbial wipeout, and considered gone from the music world after his pop career in the early '90s and a stint as a ghetto rapper a few years later. Instead of throwing in the sweaty towel, Hammer took to the ministry and tried to bust out rhymes about staying in school and loving people. You can take the `90s pop icon out of the rap game but you can't take the rap game out of the dancing, Rick James sampling, high-top fade, pop icon guy. So with gusto, Hammer came back and reclaimed his seat at the bottom of our hearts, and (cross your fingers) the top of the charts.
Still confused? Listen up people: If Hammer has taught us anything it is that we can all do that. No not to be international superstars, but make history-book-worthy good comebacks. Trip on the steps coming into your lecture hall last week? Wait a few days, then make a grand entrance. Not only will people in your lecture hall think you're cool for making an awesome comeback, but they will romanticize your slip-up from the previous week. ""Oh no, she didn't fall, she was leaning forward to pick up some coins to give to the Red Cross. What a selfless individual, and far from klutzy."" Yes, you too can be remembered fondly and/or quickly forgotten, something we can all aspire to.
So embrace it this time guys. Let Hammer be your professor in the School of Not-Too-Hard Knocks and come back swinging hardcore. Set out to make today a hot new remix of yesterday. (call the Neptunes or Jermaine Dupri if you need help). With this mantra in mind, you will be ""2 Legit 2 Quit"" in no time.
Erin wants you to stop, collaborate and listen. How do you do this? E-mail her at erincanty8285@hotmail.
