In the world of college sports recruiting, few things are more important than the official school visit. With the right combination of a campus tour, meetings with coaches, and, most importantly, busty hostess babes, a good visit can swing a recruit from one school to another in less than 24 hours.
As the coach of my own college athletics program, I understand that if I want to take my club to the next level, I too must pull out all the stops to impress my recruits. That is why, for quite possibly the first time in the history of the University of Wisconsin, I am hosting a recruiting visit-for an intramural team.
Yes, this weekend, two highly touted intramural soccer recruits will descend upon Madison to see just what this campus is all about. If all goes as planned, my squad, Handsome Boy Modeling School Football Club, will be ready for the big time.
Before I go any further, let me just give a little background on HBMS FC.
Last fall, during our inaugural season, we romped through the regular season unbeaten, which is no small feat considering six of our nine players didn't even have soccer cleats. Our hopes were high going into the playoffs. Unfortunately, it was not to be. We crashed out on penalty kicks in the first round. It was a sad end to a great season.
On a side note, HBMS FC and UW intramurals don't fall under the jurisdiction of the NCAA, which has numerous benefits. First off, despite a commitment to groom only the finest, most handsome scholar-athletes, we don't exactly have the greatest academic record. One of our players dropped out at the semester and a couple others have GPA well below the Mendoza line. I'm pretty sure that under the NCAA's new Academic Progress Rating system, we wouldn't fare too well.
Now, I have neither the time, nor the calculator needed to find our actual rating, but I'm sure it's low. In any case, we're exempt, so the HMBS FC faithful needn't worry.
With the academic well-being of my team a non-issue, I can now devote all of my attention to improving the club for its next campaign. That's where my recruiting visit comes in. Both of the players are capable of starting on Day 1 of next season, not to mention they both own a pair of cleats, which is always a plus. So, I'm banking on this little weekend to convince them both that Madison and HBMS FC are the right fit for them.
One of the recruits is pretty set on coming here, so I'm not too worried about him. But Recruit #2- he's the one I'll really need to impress. He spent last season toiling at UW-Whitewater and now he's looking to move onto another school. According to insiders, La Crosse and Eau Claire are also in the running, so I've got some competition.
During a visit to the University of Florida two years ago, current University of Miami football player Woody Williams allegedly committed no fewer than 17 different crimes. (This may be a bit of an overstatement, but you get the idea.) Recent indiscretions like this put a lot of pressure on me to keep my recruits under control. I promise to do all I can to keep my kids from punching out parking attendants or burning down any libraries.
But I don't expect any trouble from these guys. All in all, I have a pretty good feeling about the weekend. Who knows, with the addition of their talent, to say nothing of the addition of their cleats, HBMS FC may finally be ready to leave the Co-Ed Recreational League behind and make the big jump to the competitive level.
Joe is a sophomore majoring in journalism. He can be reached at jphasler@wisc.edu.
