I am a terrible person. Never in my life have I had so many self-deprecating feelings, only to realize they were not only justified, but necessary. Allow me to take you back to last week.
I was on State Street at night. It was dark, snowy and freezing cold. I had on my coat, fuzzy fleece hat and gloves. I even threw on a scarf for good measure. Regardless of my Iditarod-style dress, I was feeling the lion of early March.
I shivered as I walked the blocks, only trying to get to a meeting. I passed by a panhandler, shaking a Styrofoam cup for coins. I was always taught to respect but not give money to homeless people, vagrants and street musicians. If I wanted to support their efforts or help out, I was taught to go to charities and soup kitchens and volunteer my time. Money was a short-term solution to a long-term problem. I listened. I took it all in. I adhered to the code society taught me.
I walked by the middle-aged man. I could still hear the jingle and jangle of the coins as I walked by, shivering in the cold. He noticed my apparent chill and called out to me.
\Are you all right?""
Taken back by his words, I slowed my pace slightly but kept walking. I saw his ripped denim jacket out of the corner of my eye.
""It's just cold out here,"" I responded.
""Don't I know it?"" he said as I walked away from him.
His words will never leave me. Here I am, bundled up in my mountain climbing-compatible winter coat, complete with extra liner and polar fleece lined pocket, filled with spare change. How could I walk past him, in his tattered jacket and boots with holes in the soles? It was less than 30 degrees that night. How can I or any person of conscience pass him by without giving him a handout, a leg up or anything to make his night easier? I don't know how, but I did it. I kept on walking. I kept my head low and made it to my meeting without facing the panhandler or myself-until now, that is.
I still believe in the foundations I was taught. Time and respect will always be worth more than money. But it's one thing to believe in a philosophy and another to practice it. If I don't give money then I need to find an alternative.
I need to pick up some hours helping out. Just a few whenever I have some spare moments. I'll take the ones I usually use to watch bad television. I won't be able to help everybody, but if I can work to improve one night, for one human being, then it will be worth it. It's kind of like that movie, ""Pay It Forward,"" except less crappy.
Yes, I may be looking for volunteer work to mollify my feelings of guilt. I'll be the first to admit it. (See, I told you I was horrible.) But if a guilt trip is what it takes, then so be it. My aim is true, and I'm going to put my money, or rather my time, where my mouth is.
Erin Canty is a sophomore majoring in journalism. Her column runs every Monday in The Daily Cardinal. She can be reached at erincanty8285@hotmail.com.
