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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Pony Up! should ride into the sunset and vanish

Pony Up! 

 

(Dim Mak Records) 

 

 

 

Much of today's \breakthrough"" music is highly produced and overly refined. Although the all-female Montreal group Pony Up! goes for vast quantities of fuzz and distortion on their debut album, it is not a concisely placed effect, but rather due to an overall lack of talent and glaringly apparent inexperience.  

 

 

 

Lacking in vocal ability, songwriting ability and the simple task of doing justice to bar chords, Pony Up!'s self-titled debut is an atrocity to the ears. Completely dumbfounded by the praise that Spin Magazine Online bestowed upon them yesterday as ""band of the day,"" Pony Up! should, for the good of music, stick to the coffeehouse circuit in Montreal and refrain from thinking they are poised to claim international success. 

 

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With the album consisting of only seven songs recorded more than a year ago, it is difficult to gauge the true development of the band. Might these tracks just be the folly of a novice band, or does Pony Up! truly lack talent?  

 

 

 

As it stands, the band should go back to the garage and practice a lot harder. They must learn how to play their instruments, how to sing and how to write songs that don't consist solely of whining vocals, off-key ""la la la's"" and boy-girl conflicts reminiscent of the tenth grade.  

 

 

 

The album's confusion and immaturity is epitomized by lyrics from the first track ""Shut Up and Kiss Me"" such as ""I don't want to think right now / let's be dumb / I'll show you how ... I am sorry that you're stupid / I can't be your fucking Cupid.""  

 

 

 

Perhaps from another artist who had an understanding of vocal delivery, these lines would not be half bad. But these wet-behind-the-ear kids fail to recognize, there is a fine lyrical line between poetics and nonsense. 

 

 

 

But forget gender politics, forget the over analysis of girl-bands and merely listen to the music. It must be said, this is not a good album, and though Pony Up! showcases several shreds of minimal artistic potential, this is not a good band.  

 

 

 

In interviews, they admit to having no musical influences. Perhaps they decided to be true to the famed Cyndi Lauper song and just have fun in the studio. 

 

 

 

Whatever possessed Pony Up! to pursue their career and creative outlet in a just-for-kicks fashion is absolutely appalling in its naivet??.  

 

 

 

Perhaps if you're surrounded by 30 of your closest friends and a keg in a basement somewhere in Montreal, you might think Pony Up! is all right, but for everyone else in the music world, definitely skip this pathetic display of mediocrity.

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