English. Math. Ethnic Studies. These are but a few of the general education requirements each undergraduate student must complete in order to graduate with a degree from the University of Wisconsin. I suppose these subjects are crucial to being a well-rounded student, but there is one course the big shots on Bascom forgot: common sense.
Ever since my first semester as a collegian, after getting the chance to see the various decisions collegians make in certain situations, many of them moronic and certainly ill-advised, I've had a dream: to teach the very first course entirely devoted to the study of the most valuable virtue a young adult out of high school can hope to possess-common sense.
My proposed class, Common Sense 100 (CS100), would turn higher education on its ear and revolutionize the way universities view both their missions in academia and the students these missions aim to enrich. Plus, I would make oodles of cash and be ultra-respected amongst the elitist literati from whom I so dearly seek adulation.
Though I cannot fully divulge the details of the Peter N. Long School of Common Sense (not to be confused with UWPNLFACPRS-the University of Wisconsin/Peter N. Long Foundation for the Advancement and Continuation of Pertinent Research and Study), I will share with you some of the major points of the 316-page common sense charter I am currently compiling for administrative review.
First, the issue of making a common sense department chair needs to be addressed. If you hadn't inferred from the preceding paragraph, the person will be yours truly. You may wonder, \What makes this writer guy think he can be the chair of a 'common sense' department?""
Two simple reasons: A) it was my idea and B) I said so. Sure, I've chosen to neglect common sense in the past, but no one can be the authority on the art of rational, sensible, non-idiotic thought without knowing what it's like to screw up royally. And I was only five years old so give me a break.
The curriculum of my common sense department, and most importantly, that of CS100, will be focused on defining what ""common sense"" really is, identifying historical and hypothetical uses and non-uses of common sense, and applying common sense to the real world.
The first exam will take place on the very first day of class, right before I reduce them all to kindergarteners by forcing their participation in some stupid icebreaker. However, this exam will not be of the Scantron-and-pencil variety, but rather, it will be of the brick-and-pain designation.
After all the students have filed in and taken their seats, I will rise from my throne directly behind the lectern and hold up a concrete brick. Then, I will proceed to throw said brick at the first random head I see. If the target doesn't move before the brick breaks his or her face-the very definition of common sense-the whole class passes. If someone loses a nose or an eye, everyone fails.
I really think both the university and Madison as a whole would benefit from instituting my new gen-ed requirement. Not only will students be able to construct a complete sentence, multiply two by three and explain to you how the ""white devil"" destroyed jazz music, but they will finally be able to think clearly, act with responsibility and become the brains-not the bricks-of society.
writePNL@yahoo.com.
