I am quite disappointed in Wisconsin Badger sports.
It's been almost three weeks since the Athletics Department has been either sued or embarrassed by one of its athletes or coaches. (The last incident being former women's cross-country head coach Peter Tegen suing Wisconsin for age and sex discrimination.) But now, its slacking on the job has cost us the number one spot as \Most Corrupt Athletics Department"" title to another UW... the University of Washington.
You see, the Huskies are dealing with corruption and criminal acts as well. But they are trumping our acts on every move. We have troubled football players in Madison. But that's nothing compared to the troubled football coaches in Seattle. Notice I used the plural ""coaches."" Former head coach Rick Neuheisel won the Jim Harrick Memorial Award for getting multiple universities in trouble after illegally betting at Washington while still being investigated for his recruiting tactics at Colorado, all of this after lying to university officials about pursuing the 49ers job. And current coach Keith Gilbertson was caught illegally using the team's charter plane.
Then there are the drug allegations. The worst drug allegations accrued by our players are a couple of DUIs and Lee Evans' so-called ""pot bust."" The Huskies? Man oh man, they whooped us in this category! Tuesday, the university finally gave its report on a volunteer physician for the softball team who habitually gave players painkillers and muscle relaxants.
According to The Associated Press, Dr. William Scheyer, who apparently graduated from the Courtney Love School of Medicine, gave out so many pills to pained players, that he developed the moniker ""Dr. Feelgood"" and ""the candyman."" No, not the demonic serial killer in the movie series that we all adore, but probably more related to the LSD-advocating classic, ""Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.""
""Who will bring you pain pills /
Masking off the pain? /
Getting you so doped that you can barely field the balls? /
THE CANDYMAN CAAAAAAAN!""
Apparently, one unnamed player, who took 100 to 180 pills between 2000 and 2002, felt so good from Dr. Scheyer and the other trainers' ""therapy"" that during three games, she was ""giggly, loopy and ... laughing on the dugout floor."" The university didn't find out until some players came forward. I guess the university should have been concerned when they noticed in the Huskies' media guide that every single player listed ""Dazed and Confused"" as their favorite movie.
So, athletic director Barbara Hedges (who has conveniently retired since then) fired softball coach Theresa Wilson over the pill-popping players' problems. So Wilson did what any red-blooded American would have done: She sued the university. Alongside Neuheisel's wrongful firing suit, the university is facing two lawsuits from coaches. All we can muster are one frivolous student lawsuit (Alex ""Douche"" Leavitt) and one seemingly legit lawsuit (Tegen). We can't measure up to Washington's ineptitude in the athletic department. Hell, we even tried to trump them by making a conflict-of-interest decision in hiring the head coach of the team with the worst track record in off-the-field issues. But I don't think we could measure up to their drugging doctors and gambling coaches.
But hey, there's still time, UW Athletics Department! Women's basketball coach Lisa Stone is clean. Or is she? Think about the possibility of a drug scandal on the women's basketball team. ""Stone not the only Stoner!"" Come on, Athletic Director/Head Coach/Kingpin Barry, the clock is ticking!
Michael Jones is a senior majoring in international relations and political science. He can be reached for comment at mikejones@dailycardinal.com.
